~ Reason? ~

Seems like i've changed. Yet again i haven't, maybe only reverting back to my old self.
There were things i've learnt in the army that made me see things clearer and knew how
to cherish, how i miss those things. I try to want it back but yet it seems like it's not
within my understanding anymore. Perhaps i've to take a journey to once again regain it...
Or perhaps it's just an unstable soul that lack security.

Things are much more complicated outside in the world as they say, how true it is after i've
left the army. Had lots of opportunities and experiences. Got hurt and burnt once, twice...
Perhaps that's why i've changed... to be more wary, guarded... to know that trust is given
easily... but hard to mend. To know to mingle the ways of society, yet not completely given
into it... always a step back to have a clearer view...

I still seek the same things as i did then, in the past, even when young. Yet somehow things
are different now. I wonder why. A friend perhaps feels that i've left him or let him down.
Seems like our past is important..... which reminded me of how much i used to treasure
memories and experiences...

Yet people do leave, people do change. So wat can we do..? Just make best use of the moment
i guess. Enjoy it while it lasts... for you never know how long you can stay happy and smiling.

We change, our focus change... yet we might still desire the same things as before.
Yet somehow things are differnt. Opinions are formed and actions seems not to work anymore.
The soul gets distant too. Then again... perhaps there never was anything real
to start with, for one who never really opens up. Then again, perhaps this dog hasn't changed
at all...

~ The Reason...? ~

It's been days since i've written. Been busy abit. Stressed out for awhile.
Shocked with panic, at being so lost at my studies. Even though i thought that i
understood. Turned out i really knew so little about it. Was so worried about
missing lectures that i really didn't want to go for the Nokia training course on friday.
But i think i gained more instead, even though it's much more tiring.
Learned about the different software series each of the Nokia phones had and had some
lessons of how to program for the symbian series 60 platform. However it's still a little
overwhelming.
Then saturday came, and i went for my first experience of a model shoot. Went to assist this
guy Justin, with his shoot to build up his own portfolio and there were like 5 people on the set.
the photographer, stylist, makeup artist, model and me. :)
Took a mental note of how the photographer and stylist, made little style changes with every shot,
and how they wanted to frame it and compose it. Also got to play with the studio lights , man those
are powerful stuff, could blind a person if you looked at it while the flash goes off. Even the spot lights
are very glaring. Think they come in a package of 2k plus, which includes 2 lights, tripods, reflectors
and casing. Damn ex man.
At least i think now i'm more confident of doing my own shoots if asked to, cos more sure of what to do
and stuff. Quite fun actually. :)

Ok ... just crapping my experiences here, now gotta go back to doing labs... wonder when i'll ever
finish... haiz.

So.... what is the Reason..? haha... maybe next time.

~ Digital Painting? ~

Well... didn't really do much today... read finish a book i've been wanting to read,
then spent most of it painting. Yup painting.

Wasn't messy and didn't require me to constantly input water and curses.
Yes curses when you suddenly made a mistake and can't remedy it.
Lucky i've gone digital. Yeah.
Been inspired by those fans whose works are just digital colouring of manga
translated scans. Here's one which i find rather cool. Click here to see it.

If you've wondering why i can't show it here instead... well i can't seem to find
any hosting site for images that'll just allow me to get the picture from there.
And tripod and geocities don't allow me to do that, so i'm just going around it by
creating links to them, hope it works.

Anyway i've tried my hand at coloring one manga section and it took me ...
7 hrs?!.. woo. Now that i've counted it.. seems like i wasted away quite alot of time.
haha. But well.. it's worth it i guess. Learnt some new photoshop techniques while
doing the 'painting'. Anyway here's the original pic. And here's the edited one.

Somehow still not on par with those professionals. But it's a start and i'm kinda proud
of it :). Anyway ... back to datapaths and wat nots... argh...

*~ First steps to resting ~*

First off... in reply to wat weixian said... i ain't having no split personality.
No i am not! ... Noooo.... Ye... Yess..... Yes! I've taken over! Muahahah,
the other me is now out! Yeah! I'm FREEEEEE!!!

Ok... that's just a pathetic and over dramatic attempt... haha.
Anyway, maybe you're right mr weige, maybe you are.
But then again don't we always have an inner voice within us to
talk to? Like another personality that we go to to talk things out.
Maybe schizos become that way when the other voice gets too loud,
when the councious self becomes too weak and shaken and needs to withdraw.
Maybe that's when spilt personailities come about...

Anyway i'm officially into the end of the 2nd day of the week break.
Time is going fast, yet i'm glad i'm able to enjoy this time of quiet to
do my own reading and to watch some shows.

Just watched finish this show " Grave of the Firefiles ", had downloaded it
2 weeks back but never did have the time to go through it.
This show is set during the WW2 period and is about this guy and his sis,
how they went through the war and how it ended... It's a sad show, rather touching
and just somehow seemed real in a way. Although it's all drawn...

But I was thinking, this show was showing how the common people were suffering
because of the war, would Japanese people watching it think that it's the americans who
cause them to suffer like that? Hmmm...

However it seems like the author was trying to focus on how this sibling duo managed to
try and live their lives through out the war period. Perhaps it was due to some thing
the writer went through himself during the war or what... Maybe that's why as i watched..
you could somehow feel the emotions from the film, his strong emotions of being criticised
by other, of wanting to protect his only family...

Although the emotions were strong, they weren't over dramaticised, it was subtle and
done in a rather human like way, where u were just looking at the outer appreance of the
character rather then hearing his inner voice and thoughts as in other shows. In a way,
it causes us to imagine the plight of the characters instead... maybe that's why it feels more
real...

Anyway it's a good show although it doesn't have any flashy graphics as it was made quite
long ago, in 1988 i think. A classic i should say... :)

Alright... on to day 3 now... hope i can come up with the schematics of the calculator lab
i'm supposed to do..

Adieus.

~ Prelude to another break ~

Name: Adrian Lee
Age: 22
Occ: Student
Status: Residing in hall 4 of ntu.

Signed in.

:) Think it's a good way to start, considering how long it's been since i've
written anything here. Surprisingly it's been close to a month since this
has recieved any updates and i wonder how many people actually come to
visit. Even though i don't really say much too.

These past weeks... what has been of them...? Mostly daily rountines, go to
lec, go to lab, go to tut. Rush lab, rush tut. Try to understand lecturers, try to
understand notes. Time just seemed to rush by, and now i'm in the friday of the
week before my recess week.

Had lots to think about even though i was busy with work. But still will always
manage to cram in some gaming sessions with the guys on thurs and fridays.

Sigh.

Damn it's hard to type.
After such a long break it just seems so hard for words to come out, to flow.
It's like there's this pause in the mind.
At the back of my head, there's so many clouds... solitary clouds, storing their
own mixture of ideas, of chemical processes. Bumping around, bumping each other.
Never mixing with another to become bigger. Always maintaining their own shape and size.

Yet it's just so hard to ever put things down to words.
Have you ever had moments where you seemed to understand everything? Thought
that you were able to know what's really going on. Yet the next, lose hold of that vision,
and then start at 0, being lost yet knowing there's something more...

It's funny how this mind works.

Funnier how, it doesn't seem to be mine at times.
:)

*hopefully the woodbridge ppl dun see this.