Sad Elation, Thend's Beginning

2009-05-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

Was browsing thru Picasa and saw some of the old pictures taken.
This is one of the 'gundams' I collected in the past, and used it for my test model shoot :p
Perhaps the lighting could be improved upon.
:)

2009-02-01T03:33:00.000+08:00

Taken, during a trip to Pulau Ubin way back in 2005-2006.
Also just taking this opportunity to try out Picasa's Blog it function.
Seems pretty useful :)

2008-04-25T15:51:00.001+08:00

2nd Test

How long does it actually take to update... hmmm

2008-04-25T15:00:00.003+08:00

Just a test post to try out Google's Doc's Importing functions.

2008-02-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

An interesting response to my 'interesting' nick

Just put up this nick awhile ago; "Peanuts - Nuts that come from peas?",
and this was the response i got from a talented budding writer friend of mine :p

"..yeah.. the green peas shed its colour and became smaller and because they were lonely, they looked for another pea to cosy up together in the dark corner sometimes, they like threesomes, so u have weird peanuts once in a while.."

Pretty creative if not crappy.. haha...
Well a crappy nick deserves a crappy answer at times. ;)

2007-04-24T14:41:00.000+08:00

Read an Article on Ubuntu's Latest Offering:
"Feisty Fawn"

Found this part pretty amusing.

"....What the Ubuntu dev team need to do is find, I don't know, 100 people who aren't Linux geeks and stick them in front of the OS. Use these people to get feedback on different aspects of the OS. As soon as users start to look confused, scared or go bug-eyed then something needs tweaking. If your average home user is going to look at Ubuntu as an alternative to Windows or Mac, all these geeky corners have to be smoothed out...."

2007-04-22T15:52:00.000+08:00

You entered: Lee Yew Fook Adrian
There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 79
There are 8 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:Latin Male Lion.
Irish Male Poetic.
English Male Meadow or wood. Shelter. Famous Bearer: 19th century American Confederate general Robert E. Lee.
English Female Meadow. Surname or given name.
Celtic Male Healer.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Find out what you own name means

2007-04-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

Measure of Focus

Its been awhile since I've watched this show, the 'Last Samurai'.
Just caught it on channel 5.

I remembered watching a few years back, maybe during my year 1
or 2 of uni. It made an impression then. Of honor, of men fighting for a purpose.

Now as I look at it again, similar feelings are once again stirred, but the
perspectives have changed somewhat. Men fighting over things they can't change.
Choosing to die then to be able to negotiate. But that's how men are, aren't they?

The lack of ability to truely communicate.

But i still admired the people in the show. Admired the rendition of the focus and
clarity of what they wanted in life. Of late, it's been on my mind, this whole concept
of focus and purpose. And watching it being played out in the movie, just drew me
closer to the characters, especially Kasumoto and Algren.

They were sure of how they wanted to live.... and die. Perhaps it wasn't a one off thing,
that caused them to want to die that way, but rather the circumstances that they've
chosen. A lifetime of learning to be a warrior. A lifetime of facing their fears.
For it was also said, by the little boy (Taka's Son) that he was afraid, and so was Tom Cruise.

This brings me to the issue of fear. In our current day situation, what are the fears that
we're learning to face up to? Have we ever faced up to them? What are the chances that
we will rather run then to bite down on our lips and to face up to the challenges?

Is that why we have so much irresponsibility these days? In areas of relationships,
of friendships, of our dealings with our families and even our careers? We have so much
fear even in academic areas, which is so evident during exam periods.

Never before, has the human race, have so much more to hide behind. So much more to
cover up with; SMS, MSN, Emails, Phone calls, etc.
Where's the value of face-to-face human interactions?

Even where there's such chances for interractions, it's mostly marred by influences by
dramas shown on TV. Where's the real essence of wanting to just communicate with another
person? Perhaps as one grows older, this isn't so apparent, but just thinking and looking back,
I remembered the past of how people around me communicated, being so influcenced by
shows such as 'Friends'.

I'm not too sure how it is like now, but looking at how some kids greet each other theses days,
it seems to be non-existant.

Seeing all these from this context, isn't it little wonder, that we do not really know how to
handle so many issues these days? That running away seems so easy to do.
Constantly living under this bondage of fear. Not daring to truely live, but to take upon
an image of how one should live, in the light of how others think?

Which brings me to impressions. Where i do think that stereotyping is more prevalent then we'd like to think. And when coming to certain sensitive issues, we'd rather leave it to some preconcieved conclusions others have decided upon rather then finding out for ourselves what the issue itself really is pertaining to.

Perhaps i'm treding on some sensitive areas here, but there's this issue to do with religion. And for my particular example, Christianity. Some people would rather they live and stay happy, but to what ends does happy mean? People seem to have this image they'd like to follow don't they?
To be happy, not to think alot and just live. But to me it's the same as not living. For what's the purpose in that? What is being happy?

To think is not the same as analytical thinking or some 'deep' thoughts that many like to put it. It's about finding your true purpose in life! About knowing why you're here, what you're going to do now with your life so that you can get to where you might want to be in 5-10 years time. Its about being fully aware, so that you can truely live.

Too often, I hear that it's too tiring to think and face such issues.... It is. But isn't it a struggle worth going through? We can admire men in the movies, or should I say, great men of the past and wonder how'd they got there. Well, for one, they thought alot, they thought about their purpose and meaning of life. They've formed a strong world view in their inner minds and an almost sure path that they'd have to take.

So the question is, are you up to it? To really start questioning all the doubts in your life, to stop living under the complaints of others and to really take responsibility for where you are in life. Things such as religion, careers, dreams. They matter to every human being. Do not try to push it away saying that there's no need for it...

And talking about religion, I see a divide, a side of the world that says it has no need for religion. And their arguement is that of people misusing it for terrorism, controlling others for own benefit, etc. The devil's good at these... making people distrustful of thinking about religious stuff. Thinking that it only causes wars and strife. But it is true, religion at least from my Christian context, it is a war. A spiritual battle that's going on all the time between God and the devil, a battle for the mind of individuals like you and me.

Of which I'm reminded of a certain story:
" There used to be certain kingdom that had a tyrrant for a ruler, the original king had gone missing and people were suffering under the current ruler. They were crying out for a saviour.
But life wasn't too horrible that they couldn't survive, for they adapted to whatever conditions the tyrant put them through.

One day, the King came back and with his army, engaged in an all out war against the tyrant, and after a long battle, emerged victorious and went about to set his people free, to enable them to live fully. However the Tyrant, managed to escape and went into exile.

However, the Kingdom was large and the population spread out sparsely. Many still didn't hear of the victory of the King and still lived their lives under the rule of the tyrant who still manages to exact quite an influence over a large part of the kingdom.

Therefore the King, gathering his trusted advisors and those who have seen the battle and told them to go throughout the Kingdom, declearing this good news; that they have been set free. That the tyrany no longer has under authority over them.

Many people came to hear of the news, some believed and took on the responsibility to spread the others while most didn't believe it, probably due to fear of punishment by the tyrant or a lack of desire to want change...."

This Story is in essence, the 'good news' of the Christian message that's being spread. A story of salvation, to us who have been trapped in the dark. In the dark pits of our minds. If only we'd just be willing to open up and to really listen to what's being said. Do not make conclusions based on the people alone, but hear the message.

To really live, without fears. To know our purpose. To live knowing how to love and be loved. If one were to closely scrutinise the teachings of the world today, how does it help to free us from our bondages of fear in our lives? Instead it only entrenches us more into the depths of darkness. And when we're in darkness not knowing what is light at all, how can we say that it doesn't exist based on what we see alone? That's where faith comes in...

2007-03-11T17:59:00.000+08:00

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logicWhile you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn goodKeep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

http://www.blogthings.com/howlogicalareyouquiz/">How Logical Are You?

2007-02-28T02:16:00.000+08:00

Free batteries for life, courtesy of the sun

:)
Should be interesting.
Though might not be new to some.

2007-02-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

Cycles

Patterns repeating year in and out
Peeps living busy lives to keep out of it
Living by the day, by the moment.
Yet still caught in that rhythm and cycle.

Cycles come and go
What once was, on this side of the court
Now I'm on the other, looking back.
Feeling a weird sense of nostalgia.

A search within ourselves,
so 'they' say with much confidence.
Yet the cycle continues, endlessly
As skepticism sets in.

Have we really questioned 'why' deep enough,
Or just giving in and sliding down,
Down these slippery walls of self despair,
Finding comfort in the murky state.

But there's more within the muddy waters,
Chances to complain of life's injustice.
When all that's done is a refusal to get up.
Like mould growing, rotting slowly.

From skepticism to disbelief,
We are creatures to listen to those we trust,
Yet they are also down with us unable to climb up
Is it that hard to look up and reach out?

If by ourselves we're so great,
We'd be able to pick ourselves up and out.
Yet the cycle gets longer every time,
And so in delusion we live on.

Is it so hard to believe that we need help?
We know that we do,
But pride gets in the way, it always does.
Until the day we're left with nothing, will we cry out.

Are we too blind to even see,
That when things don't change.
Perhaps the steps taken could be wrong,
Will pride keep us from changing course?

Perhaps Perhaps...
We lack a mirror,to see even...
The subtle beast within,
That closes up even our hearts.

2007-01-30T02:51:00.000+08:00

More reasons why we should exercise the grey muscles :p

8 ways to Exercise the Brain
22 Ways to overclock the Brain

2006-11-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

When to start
-------------------------------------------------------------
To start anything, or the things you've always wanted to do.

The best time to start is when you've got enough money in the bank to support all contingencies. The best time to start is when the study semester is over.
The best time to start is when holidays are here.
The best time to start is when you finish studying.

The best time to start is when you're settled down in a stable job.
The best time to start is when everything at home is stable and you can really focus.
The best time to start is when you're out of debt.
The best time to start is when the government is supporting my cause.

The best time to start is when you're sure it's going to work.
The best time to start is when you're found a lifetime partner.
The best time to start is when you've finished your honeymoon period.
The best time to start is when you've settled down into marriage life.

The best time to start is when you'd have your kids grow up enough to look after themselves.
The best time to start is when your kids have all married off.
The best time to start is when you've decided to get yourself right with God.
The best time to start is when you fully understand everything that's going on.

The best time to start is when you've gotten tired of doing the things you're doing.
The best time to start is when you've taken care of all the other responsibilities that you have.
The best time to start is when you feel you're finally more matured to handle things.
The best time to start is when you stop feeling unsure and fearful of taking that first step.

For most of the things above, some conditions might never ever come until we decide to make a change to the way we see things.

Actually, as you've probably guessed, the best time to start was last year, or last month.
The second best time to start is right now, keeping in mind that there's a time for everything in every season.

Are our reasons, really reasons, or just excuses.
---------------------------
Inspired by http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2006/11/when_to_start.html

2006-11-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

For those who watch what they eat.

http://www.foodnews.org/walletguide.php

And a related article on how to eat less pesticides :)

http://www.epicurious.com/features/news/dailydish/110606

2006-11-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

Building well sometimes means first tearing down.

Recently my dad and my younger brother Joel attended a birthday party for Stephen Taylor, one of Joel's best friends. It was a very special occasion. Stephen was turning thirteen, and his dad wanted to make Stephen's entrance into young adulthood memorable. Nice presents woudn't suffice; Stephen's dad wanted to impart wisdom. To accomplish this he asked fathers to come with their sons to the party and to bring a special gift - a tool that served them in their specific lines of work.

Each father gave his tool to Stephen along with its accompanying life lesson for the "toolbox" of principles Stephen would carry into life. The tools were as unique as the men who used them. My dad gave Stephen a quality writing pen and explained that a pen not only served him when he wrote his ideas but also represented his word when he signed an agreement.

During the gift giving, a father who was a professional home builder handed Stephen a small box. "Inside that box is the tool i use most," he said. Stephen opened it and found a nail puller.

"My nail puller, simple as it might seem," the father explained, "is one of the most important tools I have" This father told the story of how once, while in the middle of building a wall, he discovered that it was crooked. Instead of halting the construction and undoing a little work to fix the wall, he decided to proceed, hoping that the problem would go away as he continued to build. However, the problem only worsened. Eventually, at a great loss of materials and time, he had to tear down the nearly completed wall and totally rebuild it.

"Stephen," the father said gravely, "times will come in life when you realize that you've made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices: You can swallow your pride and 'pull a few nails', or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem will only get worse. I'm giving you this tool to remind you of this principle: When you realize you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do it tear down the wall and start over."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Extracted from Joshua Harris - "Starting with a Clean Slate"

2006-11-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

Sting - Englishman In New York Lyrics

I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I'm an Englishman in New York

See me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

2006-10-29T14:54:00.000+08:00

Dating often becomes an End in Itself

I once talked to Marty, a guy in his midtwenties who enthusiastically told me about his girlfriend, Claire. They'd been dating for four years. She was a wonderful girl, he said, and they had a terrific relationship.

I assumed since they'd been together so long that engagement must be on the horizon and asked, "When do you think you guys will get married?"

Marty was shocked that I'd even mentioned marriage and begun to vigorously backpedal. "Well, gosh, we're just dating," he stammered. "That doesn't mean...well, I don't know if I want to marry her."

I wouldn't encourage anyone to marry someone just because they'd dated a long time. But I wondered what Marty needed to learn about Clarie after 4 years together that would help him decide. I suspect that, like many relationships today, Marty and Claire were stuck in what I call "dating limbo." Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on, either.

Singles who grow accustomed to dating limbo often find it difficult to leave. It's so comfortable! Because they can experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical priviledges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for committing to themselves to marriage.

For the man or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren't helpful. It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just be getting into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.

----------------------------------------------------
Extracted from "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris

2006-10-22T17:09:00.000+08:00

How do we know what spiritual disciplines to practice?
-------------------------------------------------------
In a sense, the answer comes from thinking backward:

First, we must understand clearly what it means to live in the kingdom of God. Jesus spent much of his time helping people see what true spirituality looks like.

Second, we must learn what particular barriers keep us from living this kind of life.

Third, we must discover what particular practices, experiences, or relationships can help us overcome these barriers.

For instance, we know that we are called to be loving. One thing I discovered when I spent a day trying to live in a loving fashion is that love requires an enormous amount of energy. And I was just too tired to give it. So I realized that - as unspiritual as it sounds - if I was serious about becoming a more loving person, I was going to have to get more sleep.

I have discovered I have a very hard time thinking and feeling and acting like Jesus when I lack sleep. An article in Time magazine suggested that America has a sleep deficit that is worse than the national budget deficit, and it results in everything from increased irritability to fatal car accidents.

I was surprised to find that the Bible has much to say about what John Ballie called the theology of sleep. Sleep is a gift from God:

' I will both lie down and sleep in peace;
for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.'

It is an act of trust: I am reminded when I go to sleep that the world is in God's hands, not mine. The world will get along very well even though I am not awake to try to control things. At the appropriate time, my eyes will open and I will receive the gift of wakefullness once again.

' I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, for the LORD sustains me. '

Have you ever tried to pray when you are lacking sleep? Before Elijah was to spend a prolonged time in solitude and prayer at Mount Horeb, the angel of the Lord had him take not one, but two long naps. Contrast this with the disciples at Gethsemane, who could not pray becaused they kept falling asleep. Sleep is a gift from God.

' It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved. '
------------------------------------------------------------
Extracted from " The life you've always wanted " by John Ortberg

2006-10-04T13:03:00.000+08:00

Habakuk 2:18-20 (NIV)

18: Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it? Or an image that teaches lies? For he who makes it trusts in his own creation; he makes idols that cannot speak.
19: Woe to him who says to wood, 'Come to life!' Or to lifeless stone, 'Wake up!' Can it give guidance? It is covered with gold and silver; there is no breath in it.
20: But the Lord is in his hold temple; let all the earth be silent before him.

2006-06-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

Adapted from Neil Anderson's "Victory Over the darkness"

Dont Ignore the Warning Signs of you emotions

I played sports as a young man and I have the scars on my knees to prove it. The incision of my first knee surgery cut across a nerve and I had no feeling around that area of my leg for several months. Sometimes I would sit down to watch TV and, without thinking, rest a cup of hot coffee on my numb knee. I couldn't feel anthing, but before long I could sure smell something; my skin burning! For awhile i had a neat little brown ring on the top of my knee, the result of not being able to feel anything there.

You emotions are to your soul what your physical feelings are to your body. Nobody in their right mind enjoys serious injury and infection. And if you didn't feel anger, sorrow, job, etc. Your sould would be in trouble. Emotions are God's indicators to let you know what is going on inside. They are neither good nor bad; they're amoral, just part of your humanity. Just like you respond to the warnings of physical pain, so you need to learn to respond to your emotional indicators.

Someone has likened emotions to the red light on the dashboard of a car which indicates an engine problem. There are several ways you can respond to the red light's warning. You can cover it with a piece of duct tape. "I can't see the light now," you say, "so i don't have to think about the problem." You can smash out the light with a hammer. "That'll teach you for glaring in my face!" Or you can respond to the light as the manufacturers intended for you to respond by looking under the hood and fixing the problem.

You have the same three options in responding gto your emotions. You can respond by covering over them, ignoring them, stifling them. That's called suppression. You can respond by thoughtlessly lashing out, giving someone a piece of your mind, flying off at the handle. I call that indiscriminate expression. Or you can peer inside to see what's going on. That's called acknowledgement.

2006-05-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

Lend me you hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily,
pain and confusion are my companions.
I know not where to turn;
looking ahead to future times does not bring forth
images of renewed hope.
I see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Hold my hand and hug me;
listen to my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and your love.
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present.
I am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughts.

Lend me your hope for awhile;
a time will come when I will heal,
and I will share my renewal, hope and love with others.

- Extracted from Neil T.Anderson's Victory over darkness

2006-04-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

From a decision to put the foot down before 06,
the change has come and taken place.
It's different now, i can feel.
And i know...
Not by me.
Not by the world.

Nows another time ...
Breaking out of this comfort zone.
Slowly slowly...
It'll come...

2006-02-08T02:18:00.000+08:00

Verse 1:
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Chorus:
Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have ur way
Lord have ur way with us

Verse 2:
Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall

2006-01-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

~ Prayer of St Francis ~

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

2006-01-18T11:35:00.000+08:00

~ Much About Corn ~

Corn
Corn: a versatile crop
Popcorn, cornflakes, cornstarch, tortillas, cooking oil, corn syrup, corn on the cob, corn
in the can – all these products, and more, are derived from a single, very versatile plant –
maize. It is an important human food and a source of industrial raw materials. But
its main use, accounting for almost two-thirds of total production world-wide, is feeding
animals.
Maize is a grass that was first domesticated in Mexico more than 8000 years ago, and
is now the world’s third most planted crop after wheat and rice. Its two names – maize
and corn – are both derived from ancient names for the plant.
The largest grower is the United States, which produced 241 million metric tons in
2001, followed by China at 115 million metric tons and Brazil at 41 million metric tons.
While between them, these three countries account for two-thirds of total world
production, other significant producers in 2001 were Mexico at 16 million tons, France
at 15 million tons, Argentina at 15 million tons, Italy at 10 million tons and Canada
at 8 million tons.
One of the reasons there are so many uses for corn is that there are many different types,
which generate different levels of starch, sugar and water in their seeds. Popcorn, for
example, has a relatively high moisture content, while sweet corn is grown as a vegetable
because of its high sugar content. There are also many varieties of what is termed “field”
corn, grown for livestock feed, food processing and industrial uses.
Depending on the variety and the conditions under which it is grown, a corn plant
can take from 60 to 330 days to reach maturity, when it can be from 0.5 meters to 5
meters high. Because of its economic importance, corn has been extensively and
intensively bred to produce high-yielding hybrids that are resistant to disease, pests and
environmental stresses, suited to differing climatic conditions, and easy to harvest.

Even with the advantages of modern hybrids, growers face a range of challenges in
maintaining production levels and, at the same time, conserving soil fertility and
structure, and protecting the environment. Yields can be reduced by weather damage,
by weeds and by a huge number of pests, including insects, nematode worms, and a
wide range of bacteria and fungi.
A number of insects prey on corn but one of the most damaging is the corn borer, so
called because the larvae of this moth tunnel into the plant, eating it as they go. It
is estimated that each year 40 million tons of corn never reach the market because of
damage by the corn borer – equivalent to the entire production of Brazil. Damage
and control costs in North America alone exceed US$1 billion per annum; a single
outbreak in Minnesota in 1995 cost US$285 million.
Chemical insecticides and biological control methods are available to control outbreaks
of corn borer, but the nature of the infestation makes it difficult and expensive to
deal with.

Adapted from BTcorn

2006-01-15T00:58:00.000+08:00

http://member.melbpc.org.au/~grjallen/anna.htm

A link to a book. Just thought of posting it up. :)

2006-01-10T03:42:00.000+08:00

~ An inspiration of the night ~

Long in me have i seen,
Not my own understanding of this world.
Yet within it chooses to stay.
Unsure of how, it should reveal.

As now the hands have tried,
writing out my previous thoughts.
Find once again the words to rhyme.
To create this prose that's yet undone.

Least i've found in this day,
that strength in anguish creates much pain.
A strength from Grace slowly reveals,
That much is seen when one shall yield...

Much is left in this jigsaw mind,
Of pieces, pictures, clear to me.
With fumbling hands do i try,
To speak to you, with my words.

How i've missed the days before,
where i might rattle on and on.
Now a purpose grows in me.
And i hope to grow in Him.

Until another time that comes,
that these hands should percieve.
The tinkling of the itch to type,
Shall i now asleep, tonight.

2005-12-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

Lighthouse

aiyee.. how to blog in here one.. where's this post going to end up at...

2005-12-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

Huh?
Do i just blog like this?

2005-11-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

~ Numa Numa ~

Click here for see the numa numa video.
Hilarious :)

2005-10-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

~ Machine that tells the future ? ~

This link here will bring you to the article.
But in short, its about a black box that's able to be 'manipulated'
by the collective consciousness of human minds.
Pretty interesting read.

And yes... i'm having exams next week til 23rd.
woo hoo. Ain't this exciting.
haha

2005-10-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

~ Another one of those crazy weekends ~

In a lack of my forsight, i didn't anticipate that this week would be
the one where 2 reports would be due, including one presentation.
So i happily went to sign up for the round island run organised by NTU
for it's 50th aniversary and also the SMRT challenge on sun.

The run was actually quite interesting, due to the fact that i felt like i was
part of a big event, however the short run of 3km from macritchi to thomson
didn't realli qualify for anything. Felt that it's quiet messy in a way and it's pretty hard to run with so many people walking about. Whatever... at least there's still the goodie bag :)

However, comparing that goodie bag to the one given by the SMRT challenge,
haha... ya. I didn't expect so much from them. But it's nice, and i guess one can probably
see it in the way that, SMRT, is giving back to the society. :)

See the 2 bags and a teeshirt? It's kinda a consolation to our team as we didn't
manage to win the top 3 places or any lucky draw prizes. :<
Yupz, there's the 3 of us, having fun riding on the train the whole day
from Yew Tee -> Bukit Pangjang -> Chinese Garden -> Cityhall ->
Sommerset -> Novena -> CHANGI AIRPORT....

Changi Airport.. that's our big mistake.
And this is the clue that got us flying of to the airport, which actually cost
us quite some time. Reading this carefully again, one would notice the transfer being italicised... but then again, would anyone actually
think of the airport or tenah merah interchange on the first try?
Then it's off from there to tampinese -> Yishun (bus) -> Woodlands (End)
~~~~~~~

Scene back at the starting/end point. And that's the end of a pretty tiring day.
Still it's a fun experience. NEXT YEAR. we'll be back :)

------------------------------------
Other pics

Babies and more babies! Where are they coming from?

One of the many cute babies seen around in church.
But this one belongs to robin.

Yj's cute little nephew, but think he's much more chubbier now.
I think babies look so cute when they're yawning.
-------------------------------
Something i took while driving back along the stretch of sin ming industrial
estate a few weeks back. A herby look alike and not only that but there
were other cars there that were really nice, but all too dark to be taken down.

--------------------------
This here is a picture taken from australia. Was taken with my phone, as my batteries
went flat on me while i was in the zoo there. Currently this is the bird feeding time.
And i was being surrounded by lorrikeets and i had to put on a cap cos they
would even perch themselves on the head and their claws are pretty sharp.
Also not to mention that they poo once u've fed them enough.

------------------------------------------

2005-09-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

~ My first official interview ~

Haha.. as said.. well it was fun. But well.. in the end talked alot of other stuff.
Cos the guy interviewing was a senior from my course. Way senior.
Anyway, after the interview, found that actually, tyco's IT auditing job
might not be a bad thing to do.
They get to travel alot and to help optimise the different it business systems
and work together with the finance side pretty closely. So in a way it's one area
i could go into if i can't go into research next time. Haha..
Anyway i did mention that i would want to go into research next time, so i guess
they might not want me as why would they want someone who isn't going to stay
on next time. Heh.

Anyway, i had a silly time of photo taking after that. Pretty fun.
Went to the lib for the wrong reasons too. muahah.

Oh yah, was something freeky, i saw a taxi door close by itself, at first
i thought that there was a passenger inside but when i looked closely i only
saw the driver... please tell me it's a new tech that comfort taxis are now
coming with automated doors.
Else i dunno what close that door. hahah...

2005-09-16T14:54:00.000+08:00

~ A day with CSS ~

Been playing around with CSS commands for the past hours
or so. Pretty neat. Gives you that much more options to play
around with the design.
Anyway, think this looks nicer. haha.. now i've only left with
the design.

2005-09-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

~ Give up... ~

Argh... think shall not bother with any new layouts and stuff.
Haha.. Only just make me stop writing.
Then again... what do i want to write about.
Ha.. so many thoughts once again.
Think i'm sliding down this stream of thoughts once again,
have to be more discerning of what to follow.

Shan't let the things of the past happen again.
Perhaps it's time to learn some mind tricks to keep thoughts
at bay.

Anyway Happy teacher's day. Be you a teacher in school... trainee..
tuition... mentor... rem this day. That maybe it's in all our roles to be
teachers. To teach and pass down the things of today.

lalala. (why are ppl putting this as their nick these days?)

2005-08-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

~ One day in east point...(still not the thing that's coming up)~

The day started out with an early wake up call.
Brought about by the loud blasting sound of class 95.
Irritating... thought i was immuned to the hifi's alarm
but i guess i set it too loud the night before.

Anyway guess it works. So i had to drag myself outta bed.
Dad was making hotdogs for breakfast. Yummy.
Even had mustard sauce. Then it was down to east point.

ToTs (Touch of the Hearts) event was being held there,
and i was relegated to do ticket selling... the whole day. Argh.
But well i guess God is good and even though i started off
not really liking it, it felt satisfying after a while. Sorta got into
the rythmn.

And i also sorta became like a robot... repeating,
"hello sir...we're from ntu.. and we're here on behalf of singapore
club rainbow, an organization that gives support to children with
chronic illness such as cancer and heart problems..."

Dohz... anyway although rejections were aplenty, there were still
rather generous souls around who just bought 5 tickets which is
10 bucks from me. And that makes a happy me. But the bottom line
is, i managed to sell finish the 2 booklets. :)

But as i was asking around, there was this uncle, he said he has been
giving so much to charity already and then he started talking about
singapore dying. Like there's no more hope and that the government
is taking up all the lucurative jobs. And gave the example of NTUC going
into the funeral business. Then he said to me, that if there's a chance, to
leave singapore for it's really very hard to live here.

Well that's a thought to think about. I used to think like that too. But then again
after going for my holiday in australia. I've learnt that i would want to see the world
and travel but then again, there's still nothing like home. The place where you grew up
in. Even though things may be getting tougher here... i guess it's really up to our
generation to start making the plans and the changes to ensure that we
have a livable place here.

Sounds politically correct huh... but i guess that's what i feel. No matter what kinds of
stories there are going on about the behinds of the govt. But then, i might want to live
out my retirement age elsewhere.... haha... thinking too far ahead. Might change my
thinking along the way.

Blah.. .too tired... still got tut tom morn...argh...
signing off.

2005-08-02T02:20:00.000+08:00

~ Beep. I'm still alive... ~

Gees. This place stinks of cobwebs and dead insects.
Think i've neglected to write anything of worth for too long.
Anyway will be working on stm...
Haha.. so for those who're interested, do stay tuned.
If not you can just presume this as dead. Muahaha..
I just luvv, when the term start... busyness knows no end.

2005-06-13T01:12:00.000+08:00

~ Memoires of a 6610i ~

As days go by the time to plug in with the
main computer draws near.
Ole 6610i has just undergone a major
upgrade and resetted to it's infant stages.
Leaving me with space for pictures and things
for viewing pleasure.

Took this while waiting at a junction at Lor Ah Soo,
Looked like some tutu car from far...

Up close, I realised that it's a bike for people
on wheelchair.

Yes, another one of my car taking escapades.
Found this blue baby at the carpark in can a.
Yesh... another collection to my rx8 family.
muahahah

A pretty nice sunset pic. Too bad the phone
can't really capture the full brilliance of it.
As i stood there taking this, I was really in awe
of the colors in the sky.

Took this while at the first night of the PCK musical.
That would be 100605. Anyway it's just a floating
mascot of PCK and this guy in black is carrying
him on his back going all over the place.

The back view of PCK. Supposed to be saying
about the musical.

Anyway, about hte musical... i must say...
it's just a good attempt. Haha... shouldn't have
expected much, but still don't feel it's that spectecular
or anything as the story is really cheezy.
*... mmm... cheeze.... yummy... *

Ok, besides that, the in door stadium was way
too big to house such a muscial. People at the sides and sitting
higher up can't see the faces and expressions.

But at least i realised that the Margaret (Tan Keng Hua?) and
Gurmit can sing quite well. I had this feeling that if Gurmit wasn't
trying so hard to act stupid in his pck personality, the show would
have been much better. But then, it wouldn't be pck then would it?

Lastly, at the end they had this video with different people wishing
PCK happy birthday. Appearently there's this big rainbow there
blocking the top part of the screen and all i could see was the bodies.
Sad.

2005-06-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

2005-06-07T01:38:00.000+08:00

~ A mirror, I see ~

Oh young one, why do you try so hard,
To grasp at fleeting strains of ribbons
To seek so much of a fleeting moment,
Where you thought you knew.

Then you learn to walk and run,
Yet you still lean on to your past,
Finding comfort fingering fleeting ribbons,
Just enjoying your fleeting moments.

Then you fall and you know hurt,
Growing weary of that fleeting moment,
Wanting to hold on to that ribbon,
Learning to tie and secure.

Now the path is still dark and long,
Yet time has made the dark easy to bear,
One day you'll hold on firmly,
Someday, you'll understand.

2005-06-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

~ Chinese World Book Fair...? ~

So here i am, stall keeper for a day. Yes, only just for a day.
Spent 11 hrs standing and looking at strangers looking at books.
Guess what, i'm in the chinese section. With a malaysian company,
that's selling taiwan and china books.

Gees, that doesn't bode so well for a "kan-tang" ( potatoe ) like me.
Filled with so many books that look so interesting but i can't recognise so
many of the words. But i'm glad i'm still able to converse in chinese,
or else i'm really just a white mash potatoe.

Oh yea, let me mention about this good offer. There's books on cooking and
they're going for $4 and $6 for a small or big book. If you buy 3, it'll be $10 and
$15 respectively.

But what's so special about these cooking books? For one they teach you how to make
Dian Xin and BAOS! Also got one on desert! YUMMY. In fact, all the while i was there
i got soooo hungry just looking at the pictures. All look so apettizing! Then there's this
book that teaches you on 35 egg dishes, and another is diff ways of cooking rice, and
there's even those on noodles and pasta! haha... too bad... i couldn't even recognise some
of the ingredients... think i need to bring a dictionary along if i ever want to cook chinese
dishes.

Anyway if there's anyone interested in cooking, and want to try their hand at chinese
crusine, the fair's on til this sunday 10pm. Look out for CITE publishers near the back of
the hall.

And oh, they even have these sex books there, haha so funny... cos when i turn.. it's all words.
ARGH. But funnily, they seemed to have incorporated english words in to the books.
Makes me wonder if they were actually translated from english in the first place.
Then there's this 3 books, each teaching on different things, first one foreplay and all the kissing
techniques and stuff, then another on orgasms and the last on positions.
Haha.. all so interesting, at least they have some english words that i can recognise.
And the pictures they draw are so funny.

Ok time to go... psycho paper on next wed... been reading, but seems like it's not enough.
Still got so much more to read. Time to mug once again...
hopefully 3-4 days is enough for me to prepare for this. Hope to get a B so that i can continue
taking other psychology subs and get a minor.

2005-05-28T03:30:00.000+08:00

~ I am the MUFFIN man ~

Ever watched shrek 2? Remember the muffin man?
Yeap, today i felt like i was one. Baking my own creation.
Was at louiss' house today with vio to make muffins! Haha.
Was fun. And we used hersheys choc chips to make faces in
them.

Had so many ideas then, we put in milo for a seperate batch
and then it's like it occured to us that we could also put coffee,
banana, orange... blueberry.... nuts... etc etc. Suddenly the thought
of being able to cook or bake is just so enjoyable. Too bad i ain't
got an oven at home. Or i could just try out some of the diff
combinations :)

Oh yeah, went to orchard to collect my phone today. After sending
it for a repair and upgrade. Not bad, they changed my screen and keypad.
But i had to wait like 1 hour plus just to collect. Argh. Soooo many ppl there.
Luckily i managed to psycho louis to accompany me or i'll be really bored.

And guess what... I saw sooo many sch kids around. So i just came to a conclusion
that it's their school holidays. And my sis confirmed it when i returned home.

Nothing much otherwise...
Wonder why i'm writing now.
Guess it's cos i'm trying to get some thing out.

The next level a person can ever go in writing is to be able to
truely write out his personal thoughts and issues that are tugging
at his heart. Only when able to, i guess it'll be another stage of growth.

How convicted is one of his own life purpose such that he can
speak of it convincingly. Or is one never ever really sure but only trying.
Woe is he who keeps quiet, and blessed will be the one who speaks up
and tries. Failing will only serve to teach and guide. To help them grow.

I'm glad some of those i know are able to speak up on their beliefs.
God has used them and they've decided to take up the call.
I still struggle with how to respond but what's really holding me back.
What more and how long more do i want to wait...

I'm glad i'm having little or no emotional attachments to anyone.
Nothing much left to hold me back. Able to forge forward and see things
a little clearer. Although whatever we do may still have an impact on others,
But i think i've not much links left to hold me back.

Where shall i go from here hence forth. It's a journey still and i fear only
to repeat a cycle. Perhaps i need to pluck myself up and be thrown into
the other side of the planet to find out my answer. One's need for survival
does open the eyes of the heart and soul.

Ya da ya da. Head is aching. Throbbing still. Hope these thoughts will take
a more solid place within the mind that i hope i can still call mine. That the neruons
within will find their rightful connections and some sudden burst of inspiration
whether from my mind or from the Holy Spirit will guide me on my next course
of action.

Sleep Date: 280505 0352
Signing out.

2005-05-26T01:59:00.000+08:00

~ Of the weeks past ~

Quite far into the holidays already... 3 weeks. Time seems to pass really
quickly these days.

Haven't been writing. Guess it's mental block. Or maybe just plain laziness.
Been tired. Travelling can be really tiring, esp when your journey takes you
close to 2 hours 1 way. Made a resolution, to stay in hall all the way.
Travelling to school everyday will kill me. Especially if it involves more then
1 830 lesson a week.

Been going back to school almost everyday, due to me trying to be hero and take
a GE and also to be my project. Taking psychology and learning about how the mind
works and there's dentrites, synapses, meylin sheeths... ya.. all those biological terms
to tell how the neurons in the brain works. Also had a topic on sex and sexuality.
Interesting :p. And from what my tutor said, it seems there's be a module just on that
in the coming months time. How interesting can that be! haha.

Been wondering, how hard it is to start writing too... it's like the mind is like an engjne,
the longer you don't use it the harder it is to start up. Perhaps that's true also for our minds
when it comes to writing. Or maybe it's just that we do not have enough issues to write on.
Whatever it is... I just had an interesting thought and that is if before some exams or studying
if we could come up with a mind program to just kick start our engines, perhaps studying or
learning might be more effective.

On another note, I've been looking at lots of kids and babies recently. And it's partly due
to me travelling more. I see parents carrying their childen, and then i'll be looking at their
kids. I wonder what the parents would be thinking.

"... What is it guy doing staring at my kid..."
"... Oh my child is so bothersome ... "
"... Why is my child making so much noise and attracting so much attention..."

Anyway for me as an onlooker, it does seem like children and babies are pretty interesting
and 'appealing' in a way. But when it comes to having your own.... it bring about another
kind of burden that'll just seem to drain your life away. Looking at some parents and the
way they look at their child, it seems like they know they're doing their duty as parents
but somehow it's like their lost and irritated at the same time.
Can't really blame them if they're almost always kept up all night trying to tend to the baby.

Which brings me to my next point and that is of people of our generation. I tend to hear
most of my friends and other people say that they'll never want to have kids. Even in the
media, in Desperate Housewives, Gabbe is so against having a baby for fear it'll cause her to
lose her current lifestyle.

We all seek self satifaction these days, we fear losing the comforts we have now. Sometimes
even fearing the responsibilities that we'll have to take on. Then how can we grow as a person
if we're only willing to just stay to our old ways. But i guess that's just the problem we'll all
face at one point in our lives.

How then can we be proper role models to the young or even know how to take care of them
properly. Do we even try to run away from the duty of having to care for the young and use
the excuse of having to work and bring busy to push the duty to maids or teachers?
Is this the cause of us not having a proper role model or mentor in our lives during our
growing years? Have we been left alone and only taught to fend for ourselves... is this the kind
of circumstance that most of us have been growing up in...? I wonder... Will this be a cycle that
will cause the degeneration of familes.

Thinking back of the past when familes were close knit and perhaps even in kampung days.
Parents were always around and even though if some weren't so good at parenting, the family
grew together. And there was always someone there for the youngsters to look up to and to
learn from. Even if i were to wander off to the times of the dark ages, is it not true that the
young had to choose the trade they wanted to be in and bring themselves under mentorship
of masters of the trades. Seems like that was how things worked in the past.

Coming back to the present and comparing, i think we just lack someone to look up to and
follow. We lack a certain mentor or teacher to take us in as a disciple. We may have our teachers
but they come and go all too soon. Perhaps the education system should have be such that
primary school teachers should follow the class all the way from pri 1 to 6. Maybe that way
there might be a sense of recognition and better understanding between the students and
teachers.

Oh gosh... it's 315... no wonder i'm seeming to be writing off track. Ideas flowing in and out.
Nothing solid forming. But it's a good work out for my mind. Been a long time since i've written
this way. Hopefully i'll be able to think clearer if i get more sleep.
Sigh... 830 tom... wonder if i can wake up.
Eyes droopy, Eyeballs strained, mind shutting down.

In this quiet of the night, I hear nothing
I see lights on, only a few and I see green patchs on tv screens across the block
Probably watching soccer matches.

In this night there are...
People tired, catching up with sleep.
People amidst in their merry making.
People working, wishing time would move faster.
People surfing, and chatting.
People doing of things in the dark.
People just like me probably blogging...
People who are just far away, in a dreamland
where they might feel relieved of their everyday problems.

2005-05-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

~ Spirit : Stallion Of Cimarron ~

Lyrics - Bryan Adams---Here I Am
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you

Here I am
Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong

[Chorus]
Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me

2005-05-11T01:22:00.000+08:00

~ Tiredness and the Night ~

Where's the words...
I wonder why ...
I feel why...
I am why...
why...
y...

AM i Y?
Y am I
Y is me.
Y Y ...

2005-04-19T04:03:00.000+08:00

~ Lalaa... 205... Digital Communication...~

Been up since morning.. wait.. more like 11am.
Ok.. so my plan to wake at 9 plus to study has failed.
But surprisingly.. i'm at some mental peak today...
still feel rather fresh... even though i've been up for the past...
hmmm 18 hrs? Haha...

Darm... brain is swarming ... think the freq in my brain is now
quite fast... or i would be feeling quite tired...
But why.... why am i still up. it's 4 am now !
Argh...
I needa sleep...
Wed's my paper and i dunno if i can handle it or not..
hmmm
oh well... focus concentrate.... strive ahead.
Can't let things around distract me.... nothing worth..
It's good to learn to harden your heart... to charge ahead.
Gives u a sense of purpose... but one shouldn't ever take pride in that
for God can easily take it away.
But it does help to ease certain pains ....

Sleep sleep... let's go to sleep. How many owls are awake.
I wonder....
how many people are panicking...
How many slugging it thorough...
How many are forcing themselves ahead...
How many trying to forget things...
.... If man could hear the voices of the night.
I think he would hear many many secrets, desires and cries...

Zzzzzz.

2005-04-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

~ Another earthquake... ~

Seems like disasters come aplenty these days...
Does it come to everyone's minds what all these means?
Or do we just simply dismiss it as something that happens all
the time and doesn't concern 'me'.

Maybe we've all got too much to think about..
but anyway, just an interesting nugget,
was talking to my dad this morning and he touched
on how the oil prices were going up and how this
caused Keppel's stock prices to go up as it seems like
they've recieved lots of orders for their oil rigs and stuff
like that.

He was complaning that just last year the forcasters said that
they're shares were only worth $2++ and now it's at ard $11++.
But anyway, seems like the rise in oil price is causing people to go
out looking for more wells to drill. Probably found some new oil wells too...

Then my dad said that probably all this drilling into the earth,
and sucking out the oil is causing all these earthquakes.
Which might be true... if considering that diggers do not check if the
site they're drilling is near the edge of a 'plate'.

But just think about it... if there's so much oil being taken out,
wouldn't that leave lots of empty spaces? If they were to cave in,
would that not cause certain disruptions to the earth's crust?
I mean i'm sure the earth is trying to balance itself out too right?

Anyway just a ponder... back to mugging...
:(

2005-04-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

~ Another week gone... ~

Can't believe i'm having exams next week...
Still not prepared. And still not focused.

Now i'm home... should've stayed in school.
Why....
Opened wounds earlier this week...
got the call i wanted... heard what i needed.

Been making up balloons and letting them pop
from me since then.

Gotta move on.
Saw interesting cars again. Took them down.
Shall put them up when i've got more.

Can't seem to find the right words these days.

Been moving on my path more tryingly...
Met up with old camp mates...

Shan't be tied down no more...
Gotta focus... gotta cross this hurdle.
Can't afford to stop.

Burdens coming in...
roles and responsiblities, trying to wear them.
Trying to help out where i can.

Still i'm home...
It's raining now.
I should be studying...
But i drifted away to a land of anime.

Coming back to reality now.
Wasted 5 hours.
Still can't get digital comunication formulas in my head.
Can i force open my mind tomorrow...

Open the sleepyiness that's hanging over me.

Shall try again tomorrow.
Whatever it is... it's still good to be home.

2005-04-04T00:30:00.000+08:00

~ And so the quest continues... ~

Just another day of days. The man with the 6610i has gone on a
rampage once again. With the trusty phone in pocket and the eyes of
an eagle. He swoops down on unsuspecting victims and captures them
for the viewing interest of those who care.

This here is a silvia. And wow... i like it's red sheen.
Taken near NBS again! Man that place is packed full
of cool cars.

Look at those wheel rims... shining white. And
look at those curves...haha.. well can't beat
the lambo but still this silvia deserves a second look.

Check out the spoiler, a rather nice fit i would
say and i guess it must have come together as
a set when bought.

And look who i saw again, Mr RX7. Still at the
NBS. Still looking good.. and rather small compared
to all the other cars. And oh, if u can't see it, there's
actually bird shit on the rear bumber there.

Ok enough of cars, this here is a bike... yes a bike.
I don't know the name or model but it looks good
anyway.

Here the back view. And yah, it's taken at Hall 4's
carpark.

For those who can't recognise, this is actually
a view from the 2nd lvl of NIE lib. The place where
i've been hanging out for the past week and probably
for the weeks to come.

It's a rather serene place with lots of greenery and
has a very claming atmosphere just right for studying.
And oh, if you were to notice the picture, that SBS bus there
actually is not moving. And everyday i go to NIE, i would see
a different SBS bus parked there not moving. I wonder if
it's broken down or wat. But after a while when i check back,
the bus just dissapears. I wonder if it got towed away...

Oh and this here is a circuit board. My SC206 module,
lab project. Lots of wirewrapping to be done and I've
completed it 2 weeks ago. When asked to dismentle it...
I couldn't bear to do so... after all the hard work... so i just
took it down for remembrance. And now it's here. :)

2005-03-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

~ Ponder wonder... ~

It werid but seems like revealations come at times when u least expect it.
Even when watching shows. But guess that's just the way things are these
days. Us all seeking our truths everywhere. Seeking to be filled with some
worldly wisdom or another.. i guess i shoud know better. Having been seeking
it for since i dunno how long.

Watching desperate housewives, I suddenly realised how people's perception of
life can differ so much. Not that i wasn't aware of it. But it just stuck me so deeply
in a way. That some can treat life so lightly... laughing away at issues and situations
that might otherwise seem so much more severe and serious to others.

Its no wonder why people misunderstand each other at times. Espicially when
you have people laughing at matters that you feel are important. Then how does
one respond...? Some rebutt in anger... some shrink away. Some have mastered the
art of keeping emotions at hold and come up with witty responses to otherwise very
crude remarks.

Also another thing i've noticed thus far... how much we'd like to hold on to things that
have given us hope in our otherwise dampened hearts. Seems like it'll always take some
external stimulus to kick us in our butts to wake us up from our daily drunkedness.
To make us aware that we still have other things to live for... other then self sustinence,
or self pleasure. A need to take away the things that matter to let us see that which really
matters. Things that are close to our hearts.

How many times it's been.. that we sometimes have friends... who are always so cock sure
of themselves, that we hate that cocky and know it all attitude. Of beliefs that they feel will
last them through. How many times usually we'll want to rebuke them. But then, what's the
point of wanting to change someone else's thought processes when it's something very much
internal.

We can't change a person's heart and beliefs until he/she has gone through some situation
that will make them realise certain facts. Maybe the only reason why we want to rebuke them
is to reassure ourselves of our own beliefs that mean so much to us. Meaning we're still insecure
and unsure. Like a little child wanting to be heard.

But the time will come ... when things change and God will put burdens in our hearts.
To realise the err of our ways. That pride, ego, fears, hurts and the such don't mean anything.
To realise a certain desire to grow. To bring ourselves out to be challenged and to just try.
To know that nothing's perfect and that there's no mistake big enough that cannot be rectified.
That forgiveness comes from within the heart... not in the words said.

Ponder wonder... tis a Good friday. A time to rest. And a chance to scribble...
A chance too, to remember Christ's death... and in 3 days time his ressurection.
To remember that we're all saved by grace and that being so, we shouldn't be so harsh
to anyone in our lives.

2005-03-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

~ Pictures of surroundings ~

Shots that i took that seemed nice...
too bad i only had my cam phone.
So the quality is quite bad.

But anyway, this here was found at N4 of North Spine,
i was walking past to my labs when i saw a tree so pink.
Kinda reminded me of how sakuras in japan might look like.
It really does add color to the surrounding.

Then just behind it is a tree is white bloom. From the picture
you can't see it clearly, but it's actually very white and it
really contrasts the pink tree that's in front of it.

This here was taken during the vertical marathorn
'dry-run'. At the 51st storey of Temasek Towers.
Went up and managed to get quite a good
view of the surroundings. Think that's Keppel Harbour
in the pic.

Another view of the port/harbour. More to the right.

This here is taken facing the city, China town is just
to the left of this picture.

This picture was during the actually day of
vert mag itself. We had to stay over at the tower
and just before dawn. I managed to get a good
view of the horizon from the top.

Must say it's rather beautiful and the pictures
here can't do it any justice. But hope it gives
the idea.

~CARS!!!! :)
Below are some of my stalks out of cars.
They all look much better when u see them
up close. Don't know why they just don't turn
out well here. heh.

RX 7, Found at the NBS carpark. Veri low and
small in size compared to the other cars parked
around it.

The interior view. Doubt you can see much from
here. But the seats are red and the steering wheel
looks quite cool to hold.

Mazda Rx8 - Found at Carpark in CAN a.
White/Grey. Could only get the back shot.
As taking from the front was too dark.

RX8- Found at NBS carpark. This i must say
looks real good. If only i could get my hands on
to the steering wheels and take it for a spin.

The rear view of the Black RX8, notice that
it's car plate is 8888. Now how's that for
an auspicious number. Must be some rich kid
or maybe even a lecturer holding the keys
to this baby.

BMW MX3, sports convertible. one of the cooler
cars i've seen so far. Saw at DDB design company
where i went to do a survey.

The front view.... looks nice right. :)
I really like it's big 'nostirls'. Haha.

2005-03-14T01:52:00.000+08:00

~ Thought Processes ~

1) Certain Images or places triggers off certain thought processes within us.
2) It may remind us of the past, and it can also trigger off emotions within us.
3) We may remember things that we've long forgotten.
4) Our mind has 4 states, and one state is our sub consciousness.

In the sub conscious state, we don't know what we know, there're things that
we've learnt and know that is just lying dormant in our minds.
Sometimes images and events can trigger off the thoughts that are swimming
in our sub consciousness. Skills, memories, knowledge... etc.
Now then... what if we were able to have a large library of collected images,
events and sounds... and able to project it in to the mind..., out of all those things
that will be rushing past our senses. Would it eventually awake something in us?
I wonder.

2005-03-08T02:58:00.000+08:00

~ Been so long ~

So long, so long. This has been empty for so long.
Have been wanting to write since Chinese New year eve...
to talk of the things that i've noticed... and sudden revealations
that speaks of culture and beliefs.

So much time has passed since then and i've been on the go since then too.
It was pretty much a holiday mood then but things picked up and i've
moved along at it's pace.

Finally too... also learnt to accept things. Realised that certain things are not meant
to be. A longing still remains, but it's not one that desires anymore... just one that
hopes things will be well. That we'll be able to joke and talk like before.... or perhaps
that's going to be impossible.

We all write for many reasons.... a burden within wanting to seek expression.
A longing to be heard or a desire to share our views... still it takes a stiring in the soul
and heart... to be able to want to blurt out things one normally wouldn't say to others.

What am i doing now. Just staring at my tut for tomorrow, trying perhaps to understand it
before i sleep. Yet in my mind a restless burden exists... always there. Is it waiting to be
resolved...? Or does it just need more time before it decided to slip into the inner depths
of my memory only to come back when i'm old.

CNY.... visitings... dinners... school... projects... events.... those are the things that's just passed.
And now i'm just typing here... feeling weary.

Maybe not so much from things i've done... in fact they make me feel alive in a way.
But still weary... why....?
I'm beginning to believe that a good night's sleep will slove things.
And it does.... but yet things creap in slowly as the day progresses and it's sometimes just
back to square one whether you like it or not.
Hahah...
oh well... a tired man's mumblings never does seem coherent does it.
Well just let me mumble somemore... maybe when i look at this
some time later... i'll be amazed that i've even writen all these.

2005-02-03T22:58:00.000+08:00

~ I wonder ~

I wonder why,
Why the heart can feel so much
That it hurts so deep,
Yet nothing flows out.

I wonder whether,
Whether if the heart is capabable
Of feeling so much by itself.
Or is it but a by product of an interaction.

I wonder how,
Even though the feeling lingers deep,
The facade still is able to keep up.
Life does go on as usual.

I wonder once more,
How this feeling can be so strong,
That it can spur one on to do many things.
Yet also so easy to turn from sadness to anger.

I wonder how again,
How it's so easy to bluff oneself to go on.
And yet so easy to fall again for the past.
Even then the anger can't last.

I'll wonder ...
Would avoidance be better.
Not knowing if she hears or knows.
Perhaps things are best left without any intervention

2005-01-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

~ Simple Pleasures ~

Been meaning to put this down for a while now.
But the last time i did, blogspot didn't post it and
i was too lazy to retype....

Anyway... just wanna write of food...
Of food taken when in the cold mornings or when you're
starving.

I remember the times when i was schooling... i would have the
occasional steamed 'siew mais'. Made by my parents... even though
they were frozen food bought from the supermarket. They still
tasted heavenly... perhaps what i was tasting then was but their love
and willingness to prepare a meal so early....

Of times when i was straving... a McChicken comes to mind...
I remeber a time past when i was cycling and got caught in the rain with
Noah. We were around the east coast area and decided to take shelter outiside
a Mac. Bought a McChicken and woa... it was steaming! Was the best burger i ever had.

But there's also an incident with instant noodles... while i was out field in brunei.
Almost everyday was raining and a hot steaming meal of noodles was like heavenly food
in that dark wet forest... Can't believe that noodles can bring so much joy.... :)

Lastly... one of my fav now... which i call a 'heart warming' food.... is cup of CORN!
Yupz... esp found in pasar malams... yummy!

Yeah... wonder how many ppl have their fav foods... and how much it'll seem to
cheer them up.
It's but these little things... that sometimes makes life a little more bearable at times.
To bring a smile to the heart.

2005-01-30T19:34:00.000+08:00

~ Dreams ~

Had a real weird one today...
felt so real and left me feeling more drained when i woke.

Thinking thru it.... it's like a dream of things lost.
Of things that mattered and once again they came together.
It gave me a thrill and somehow i just felt like i wanted to be
in the dream and not wake up....

Funny how... when i did... i was lost. A feeling a deep dread and loss.
Felt many things that i shouldn't have...
maybe it's but the surfacing of unresolved issues...
I wonder...

Luckily... i managed to do some cleaning up in the house...
though the dream and the issues it brought up kept clinging
to my mind. I'm able to come back slowly... to reality.

How weird a sunday it has been....

2005-01-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

~ A minute to remember ~

I remember a time not too long ago,
Where a burning fire churned within.
Telling me of many things i could do,
in this world.

I remember then, how i was spurred on
By this sensation within, telling me to go on.
It was but a personal battle within,
Fuelled by glorious deeds done by images.

I remember then, when i cycled down the road.
Cars rushing past, rain splattering on the face.
Friends behind and the heat that kept away the chill.
The thrill of being alive, and not having full control.

Childish dreams seem to move one to push much further,
til reality sets in and you know the fears.
But beyond that, once you grow and overcome,
The thrills become calculated and you relive the past, sometimes.

I remember the fire not too long ago,
And i felt it again not too long ago.
It may be my mind playing tricks, but i felt it nontheless.
I'll keep fanning it, for now i know i'm choosing the rock.
To build myself upon it until if it deems me not worthy.

2005-01-08T04:32:00.000+08:00

~ A minute to indulge ~

You looked for it, and yearned for it.
Thought you could be without it.
But always kept looking for it.
You were just such a fool.

Thought you were above it,
Yet you were always within it.
When you stopped searching.
It found you.

You questioned it, yet enjoying it.
You went beyond and perhaps lost it.
You still couldn't fully understand it.
But you tried to embrace it.

When you finally made a decision in the heart.
It said good bye, and it's for the best.
Yet now, that decision stays.
Knowing logic says one thing, yet...

The words said good friends,
Wonder why it hurts so.
You should've known.
You asked for it, you thought too far ahead.

Growing to be much too dependent...
I wonder why you didn't see it earlier.
I wonder why, it's so easy to say those words.
I wonder if, there was anything to begin with.

Step by step...
Hoping to be released once again,
But hoping still, to be chained down.
You are so ironic.

2005-01-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

~ Finally my mousie pictures. ~

Ahhh. Finally.. about 1 week plus after my DDP.
Managed to upload my pictures of the micro mouse that i was working on.

*Click on pictures for full size*

Our completed mousie... lots of 'hair' sticking out.

Dear mousie's 'eyes', lights up whenever he sees black lines.

See the white thing over there? That's our crystal oscillator.
It was silver at first, then we gave it a nice wrap of tape.
Gave me lots of headache figuring how to make it work.

The sensors. The black ones emmit Infra-red and the purple ones detect.

The belly of our mousie, messy ain't it...looks like intestines all over the place.

A man made out of wire... done in times of lostness. :)

The team that i spent my holidays working with.
Nice bunch. And that's my partner in orange.

2004-12-29T02:24:00.000+08:00

~ Once again the year is coming to a close ... ~

As with every year that's past. This might hold not much exception to some.
For me... it's the year i looked back once again.. on all that i've been
through... to once again, see myself when before i entered the army.
To ponder again on things that really seemed to matter most...

I've learnt alot this past year... 2004... just like another phase of life.
And i see 2003 as but a transition period from army life...

2004... i've felt alot.. i've learnt a few lessons.
Learnt that
...God is faithful, no matter how many times i've let him down.
...God will not tempt me beyond my means.
...no matter how deep one falls, he should not wallow in dejection, life goes on.
...no matter how or where you fall, it's but a learning challenge to rise from again.
...once you're comfortable with your life and it changes it takes lots of courage to change.
...friends can let you down...but they don't mean it.
...and that you shouldn't hold grudges.For i myself am not perfect.
...to understand why guys with Gfs will always break away...
...to keep looking for love, it'll only haunt u and torment u in a way.
...when u stop looking, it'll suddenly come looking for you.
...when you don't have any expectations, and open the heart... everything will be easy to accept.
...open communication is important.
...to be in love is a beautiful thing.
...desires can be overwhelming.
...thinking too much doesn't help, only when needed.
...a smile is worth many tales of gold
...to move on in life, is hard but it needs that first step.
...one must know what they're looking for in a relation and to say it out early.
...i've been given a chance to go through different experiences, to now know how to learn to
commit and what's it like to give up on certain things.

Happy new year, Akan Datang.
off to bed... the deep weariness in me calls.
Wonder what tomorrow will bring...
Hope and a new wonder.
Yet a tinge of sadness lingers...

2004-12-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

~ Wonders of A m(ad)icro mouse... ~

Been staring at wires and codes for the past weeks. Been hanging out at boon lay
for far far far toooo long already. Ever since exams. Seems like i'm living a veri
predictable life these days... wake up... go lab... lunch... go lab... back hall... chill.
Hmmm.... how 'nice' and stable this life is.
Haha..
Only time i think i got out of this place is last weekend when i went for church retreat.
Was a refreshing time, an new turning point and also new insights. Felt the holy spirit
moving through the church... doing things.
Went back home yesterday, then came back this morning. Took the Mrt from Eunos.
Woa.. it's been so long since i've took it in the morning. Was a refeshing change.
Got to see all the working people. Some dressed up nicely some just donning their daily
uniforms. Just felt good to be out and moving about.
Back to lab later on... well today. Partner and Me sat down... stared at codes and viola,
seems like ideas after ideas came and problems were solved. Haha.. think it's cos now there's
2 ppl looking at the problem. Also the mouse finally came to life! After much stress and testing
by the other grp mates. Now we've only left the sensor part to debug.
Hopefully we'll be in time to finish for next tues assessment... haiz....
Another labby day for me... but at least it's fri. And i get to go home again. :)

2004-12-09T03:21:00.000+08:00

~ A New Beginning ... ? ~

Ah... been a long time since i've posted anything.
Wonder why. First there was the exams... then wat..
Hmmm oh yah... the DDP project... been busying myself
over it.
Stupid micro mouse... argh. Me and partner had design up by the 2nd day
and on the 3rd almost all was done. BUT. Now is the 3rd week. And we're
still trying to test out how to make the power reset thing. DARN. And i thought
we were so fast. hahah.. oh well... it's just staying in the labs til 5 plus everyday only..
tiring man..
Just wished things would be able to work tom...

Anyway ... even after exams... there's been a rush of things...
Things happening and i'm also wondering how'd i get into that state.
Heh. Although it ain't necessarily a bad thing. Too bad... things are just
left as they are now... just gotta wait til 24th... hmmm

Work work.... wonder if anyone needs any free lance video editor cum
graphic designer... haha... sigh.

2004-10-27T03:26:00.000+08:00

Sad Elation, Thend's Beginning
~ Realization ... ~

I think i've just confirmed certain things...
feelings kepy inside a person, if are strong...
will lead to self detrimentation.

But what are the causes of that self non disclosure...
Pride..? THe unwillingness to discard that feeling of
injustice done...? The hurt sense of self... not wanting
to do anything... wanting to close up. hmmm.
ANyway that first step is hard...

But after that step ... which is to talk of smile or laugh..
everything seems easier... also... a look at issues of the
world around... a browsing of the papers helps to ease
one's self downward spiralling thoughts..

2004-10-26T20:46:00.000+08:00

~ The Demented side unleashed ~

Queer it is the mind that's yours.
Though through all the changes that seems unchanged.
Thinking that it's been a while
And change is done quite abit.

Why do i see from others the need to compel,
Do we feel the happyiness when we see another sad.
Do we take pleasure in another's pain.
Or is it but an imagination of the mind.

Fuck the mind and all it's thoughts.
Many times still too tightly reigned in by the heart.
Even logic seems illogical and so many words
are then left unspoken.

What use it is if one is among friends or crowds,
when deep down he's still cut off.
Though on the surface it seems ok,
through the worlds eyes it's aliright.

But deep down it is not,
the crying the thrashing is but covered.
Sometimes it might surface
unleashing it's fury to those around.

It doesn't ever go away until it's
been confronted and treated at the core of the issue.

2004-10-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

~ Ah... Finally ... Comments ~

Yup, comments are up... finally i think. Anyway got this service from
Haloscan, seem good. Anyway can try out, just click on that comments link
at the bottom. Ya.. the one before the trackback thingy. :)

Now all that's left is my links.. hmm.
Will get to it when there's time.. maybe tonight.
Sigh... exams next week and i still haven't started reading for them yet.
At least only for my GE and Eng and Society. Hope i can be able to rush through
them coming end of week.

Oh ya... in this period of stress and maybe urgency... think it's best not to
ever rely on one's feelings... seems like they are being rewired differenly these days.
Perhaps i'm falling victim to it, damn it feels cranky. Guess maybe it's better to
be alone. Where you won't be able to sense other's attitudes too easily..

2004-10-21T02:25:00.000+08:00

~ Freekin Blogspot no backups... ~

Just great, managed to get back my layouts. Sighz.
All i wanted to do was just add an extra link in my column and
blogspot has to crash on me.

Now i've gotta try to find back the code for the tagboard
and stuff... sighz...
Also just when my counter was about to hit 1000.. this has
to happen... and i was gonna celebrate it too
hahah..
oh well.. maybe i'll immigrate over to tripod... hmmm.
you hear that blogspot??! you hear that?!
i'm going over to your competitior! Stop me if u can!

I could be stopped if you gave me my own webspace to
upload stuff and my own webpage designs... 10mb of space
should be enough... :)

2004-10-18T03:17:00.000+08:00

~ Shhh, it's all so quiet ~

Wonder why
seems like they all don't care,
But nothing's wrong,
It's all in the way.

The way of the world,
no one looks at your behind,
They only show to what you see,
Why should they anyway.

Yet do we seek,
Just to find,
Someone of purity,
To be sure of how we feel?

It's gotta quiet,
Busying our own stuff,
Feeling the uneasiness,
But accepting it now.

What you seek is but a dream,
Of things found only God could give.
Or a mate who might see you through...

2004-10-14T02:31:00.000+08:00

~ So another one bites the dust ~

Ah... finished my presentation today.
Well at least another thing over and i can slowly gear myself to studying
for the exams.

Anyway there were quite a alot of interesting topics on show today.
From finding your soulmate to cohabitation to homosexual and internet relationships.
Basically, all to do with relationships ( as is what this GE is supposed to be ).

Let's see, there's three topics so far... think there's 5 more, as there's 8 groups.
My group was on Office Romance and there's this interesting link to some flash
on it. Rather funny and cute :)

Oh yah, there's also one on " Is sex confined to related relationships " and another
on Metrosexual man. And lastly it was yt's grp on Family Ties.
Think the last group had lots of practical solutions and ideas. Good to implement in
one's own family i think. Anyway yt, if you're reading this, dun mind can post up your
power pt slide or the TIPs page where you listed all the things to do one? Heh.

Ok... that's it... Oh ya.. heard the BIG 4 came to NTU today... no wonder there were
so many office ladies look a like walking around.. haha.. eye feast :p
Well what's interesting was that i heard they were going to recruit in about 60-70%
of this yr's cohort so if the NBS students manage to get themselves hooked up today,
they'll get a job right after they grad with a starting pay of about 1600 take home.
Cool eh.

Sighz.. wonder when they'll have such a recruitment for ENG students... heh..
don't mind if they do so for Computer Eng... woo. imagine, IBM, APPLE, INTEL or ATI
coming to our school to recruit one day... haha... that'll say alot.

Guess i'll just stick to becoming an air steward or a pilot when i come out next time.
Maybe even just some helper in Sim Lim Square helping ppl fix computers.. haha.....
haiz...

2004-10-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

~ And so it's .... almost done ~

Deadlines have come and most are gone. Finished up most of the stuff and
now just clearing the remnents of the calculator designs.... still have to do report.
Sigh.

Well, time for a break i say... well fuck you a voice says. Exams are near.
Ohh... i say. So? .... *silence*
Hmm.... oh well... back to trying to mug. But mostly i guess i'm just trying
to search out the voice. Hahaha... :p

And so the ghost of my mind,
resides and plays in my thoughts,
Telling of many things to make one green,
Plucking on the tender threads of emotion.

Whether tis real or but a shadow,
I do not know
til i speak out
And try out what's real.

Sometimes a fear,
Holds back an oncoming query,
That can break the ice of two,
But that fear wins anyway.

Perhaps perhaps,
If i could climb above myself,
to see the great beyond,
Living in the real and now,
Not lost in the shadowy what if's.

2004-10-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

~ The month long week... ~

Seems like it'll never end, day after day, panicking and trying to finish labs and tuts.
Finally friday is here but yet the things aren't done yet. People are queuing up to book
lab sessions and it's like even in the morning there's a queue. Like queuing up for Hello
Kitty like that. Damn...

Anyway... it's a good thing to have panic... or i wouldn't have started on anything at all.
At least with the sense of urgency i managed to do some studying, tuts, labs and projcet.
Much more things that i usually get done within a week. Seems like stress is good in a way... but i'm getting burned out. Think only need sleep now...it's just so tempting right now... ahhh..

Anyway, been taking a course in Creative Relations For Life as a GE. Been a rather interesting
and informative module. Although it's lots of chatting and discussion and not much to do
with academic stuff. But it does alot for self thought. Dunno if it's doing more good or bad
though, for ppl ard me have always been saying not to think too much... haha...
maybe gotta couple thinking with actions so that it'll be more productive.

Well where was i, ah.. back to serious stuff. Ok, first off, from a religious teaching point of
view, i learnt that we were made for a purpose, made for a relationship. A relationship with God.
Now then, academically, even philosphers and teachings alike are saying that man cannot
live alone, without touch and relating to his environment.

Some may say, didn't Jungle Boy grew up without ever havnig contacts with human? Or
even Tarzan? Well it's just a story! But then, even then, they had contact and even some
sort of relation with the animals that took care of them or played with them. So in a sense,
it is true that we cannnot life alone without interacting with the environment no matter how
individualistic one can or may be.

Even in times of depression or feeling of insecurity when one needs and wants to be alone.
What is it that one is going through during such times? What does one really think about?
Doesn't one acutually seek and hope that someone will come to save them. To bring them out
of the isolation they created themselves? Or when in sadness, actually wish to relate to, to
lash out at the person of interest?

In a sense, it really seems that no matter what the goal of our life is, there's no escaping the
fact that we're not really living for ourselves at all and we can not find our true meaning unless
we've learn how to think beyond ourselves and live for a purpose beyond ourselves.

How some people find power in the goal of seeking to become powerful or to seek fame and
recognition. It's a strong drive to live for themselves and to prove their worth, a determined
mind that doesn't seek to back down. Yet behind that drive, to prove one's own worth and value
in the world... is it not to seek the approval of others? Maybe a means to a goal to an inner desire to be able to relate to another human?

It is a way that's approved by the world. It makes people work hard. Keep things going and keeps things fair...

But then, in Christianity, it is taught that God has forgiven us, given us a new life in him and
showed grace that doesn't require anything in return... Teaches that no amount of effort we
put in to saving ourself or to show our own worth will ever amount to anything. That salvation
is about grace given to us and not something we can earn...

So what does it have to do with relations in humans...? Well besides the fact that we were
MADE for having relationship with God, which in very essence coincides with what academics
believe in. Thus, won't it be that in our own lives, we'll never feel complete til we manage to
be able to relate to another person, society or spiritually in a deeper sense...?

Haha... well... it's seems that my undestanding as of now is still inadequate as the words that
seemed to formed in the mind are starting to dissipate and flow into mambo jambo. Many things
seem to be easier thought of in the mind then expressed out in words. Then again, perhaps it's
the lack of proper understanding that's why it is so...

Whatever it is... seems like i've writen quite alot this round... wonder if anyone will understand
this time... haha.

2004-10-05T01:43:00.000+08:00

~ Whinings ~

Moaning of childhood desires,
Is but a fragment of what we desire now,
A basis non the less,
Fueling our lost passions.

What we strive for now,
What we write right now,
What we know is true now,
Only but circumstance driven in part.

Admire thee one who writes,
Writes of the heart's true words and desires,
Knowing no fear nor restriction,
In this chained up culture we've formed.

Seeking only to know,
Seeking only to hear,
Seeking only to speak,
Of one's lost words.

Formed in the depths of the mind,
Deep within the night,
When the soul roams among the darkness,
Is lost among passion in deep slumber.

Awaking to loud ringing,
Not one not two but three.
Deeply exhausted and startled.
Only able to speak in riddles,
that might hide yet tell of the truth.

2004-10-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

~ The Explaination ... ? ~

A friend sent me something rather interesting, remembered reading it in the past,
but guess it didn't really made an impression. But now it seems to have certain meaning...
hmm anyway here it is...

"...they call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.... "

Guess it does explain certain things... things that i'm going thru and others too... seems like
we're not alone out there... hmmm.
Oh well.... anyone has schmatics of registers or a calculator design? haiz...

2004-09-29T01:47:00.000+08:00

~ Reason? ~

Seems like i've changed. Yet again i haven't, maybe only reverting back to my old self.
There were things i've learnt in the army that made me see things clearer and knew how
to cherish, how i miss those things. I try to want it back but yet it seems like it's not
within my understanding anymore. Perhaps i've to take a journey to once again regain it...
Or perhaps it's just an unstable soul that lack security.

Things are much more complicated outside in the world as they say, how true it is after i've
left the army. Had lots of opportunities and experiences. Got hurt and burnt once, twice...
Perhaps that's why i've changed... to be more wary, guarded... to know that trust is given
easily... but hard to mend. To know to mingle the ways of society, yet not completely given
into it... always a step back to have a clearer view...

I still seek the same things as i did then, in the past, even when young. Yet somehow things
are different now. I wonder why. A friend perhaps feels that i've left him or let him down.
Seems like our past is important..... which reminded me of how much i used to treasure
memories and experiences...

Yet people do leave, people do change. So wat can we do..? Just make best use of the moment
i guess. Enjoy it while it lasts... for you never know how long you can stay happy and smiling.

We change, our focus change... yet we might still desire the same things as before.
Yet somehow things are differnt. Opinions are formed and actions seems not to work anymore.
The soul gets distant too. Then again... perhaps there never was anything real
to start with, for one who never really opens up. Then again, perhaps this dog hasn't changed
at all...

2004-09-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

~ The Reason...? ~

It's been days since i've written. Been busy abit. Stressed out for awhile.
Shocked with panic, at being so lost at my studies. Even though i thought that i
understood. Turned out i really knew so little about it. Was so worried about
missing lectures that i really didn't want to go for the Nokia training course on friday.
But i think i gained more instead, even though it's much more tiring.
Learned about the different software series each of the Nokia phones had and had some
lessons of how to program for the symbian series 60 platform. However it's still a little
overwhelming.
Then saturday came, and i went for my first experience of a model shoot. Went to assist this
guy Justin, with his shoot to build up his own portfolio and there were like 5 people on the set.
the photographer, stylist, makeup artist, model and me. :)
Took a mental note of how the photographer and stylist, made little style changes with every shot,
and how they wanted to frame it and compose it. Also got to play with the studio lights , man those
are powerful stuff, could blind a person if you looked at it while the flash goes off. Even the spot lights
are very glaring. Think they come in a package of 2k plus, which includes 2 lights, tripods, reflectors
and casing. Damn ex man.
At least i think now i'm more confident of doing my own shoots if asked to, cos more sure of what to do
and stuff. Quite fun actually. :)

Ok ... just crapping my experiences here, now gotta go back to doing labs... wonder when i'll ever
finish... haiz.

So.... what is the Reason..? haha... maybe next time.

2004-09-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

~ Digital Painting? ~

Well... didn't really do much today... read finish a book i've been wanting to read,
then spent most of it painting. Yup painting.

Wasn't messy and didn't require me to constantly input water and curses.
Yes curses when you suddenly made a mistake and can't remedy it.
Lucky i've gone digital. Yeah.
Been inspired by those fans whose works are just digital colouring of manga
translated scans. Here's one which i find rather cool. Click here to see it.

If you've wondering why i can't show it here instead... well i can't seem to find
any hosting site for images that'll just allow me to get the picture from there.
And tripod and geocities don't allow me to do that, so i'm just going around it by
creating links to them, hope it works.

Anyway i've tried my hand at coloring one manga section and it took me ...
7 hrs?!.. woo. Now that i've counted it.. seems like i wasted away quite alot of time.
haha. But well.. it's worth it i guess. Learnt some new photoshop techniques while
doing the 'painting'. Anyway here's the original pic. And here's the edited one.

Somehow still not on par with those professionals. But it's a start and i'm kinda proud
of it :). Anyway ... back to datapaths and wat nots... argh...

2004-09-14T23:56:00.000+08:00

*~ First steps to resting ~*

First off... in reply to wat weixian said... i ain't having no split personality.
No i am not! ... Noooo.... Ye... Yess..... Yes! I've taken over! Muahahah,
the other me is now out! Yeah! I'm FREEEEEE!!!

Ok... that's just a pathetic and over dramatic attempt... haha.
Anyway, maybe you're right mr weige, maybe you are.
But then again don't we always have an inner voice within us to
talk to? Like another personality that we go to to talk things out.
Maybe schizos become that way when the other voice gets too loud,
when the councious self becomes too weak and shaken and needs to withdraw.
Maybe that's when spilt personailities come about...

Anyway i'm officially into the end of the 2nd day of the week break.
Time is going fast, yet i'm glad i'm able to enjoy this time of quiet to
do my own reading and to watch some shows.

Just watched finish this show " Grave of the Firefiles ", had downloaded it
2 weeks back but never did have the time to go through it.
This show is set during the WW2 period and is about this guy and his sis,
how they went through the war and how it ended... It's a sad show, rather touching
and just somehow seemed real in a way. Although it's all drawn...

But I was thinking, this show was showing how the common people were suffering
because of the war, would Japanese people watching it think that it's the americans who
cause them to suffer like that? Hmmm...

However it seems like the author was trying to focus on how this sibling duo managed to
try and live their lives through out the war period. Perhaps it was due to some thing
the writer went through himself during the war or what... Maybe that's why as i watched..
you could somehow feel the emotions from the film, his strong emotions of being criticised
by other, of wanting to protect his only family...

Although the emotions were strong, they weren't over dramaticised, it was subtle and
done in a rather human like way, where u were just looking at the outer appreance of the
character rather then hearing his inner voice and thoughts as in other shows. In a way,
it causes us to imagine the plight of the characters instead... maybe that's why it feels more
real...

Anyway it's a good show although it doesn't have any flashy graphics as it was made quite
long ago, in 1988 i think. A classic i should say... :)

Alright... on to day 3 now... hope i can come up with the schematics of the calculator lab
i'm supposed to do..

Adieus.

2004-09-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

~ Prelude to another break ~

Name: Adrian Lee
Age: 22
Occ: Student
Status: Residing in hall 4 of ntu.

Signed in.

:) Think it's a good way to start, considering how long it's been since i've
written anything here. Surprisingly it's been close to a month since this
has recieved any updates and i wonder how many people actually come to
visit. Even though i don't really say much too.

These past weeks... what has been of them...? Mostly daily rountines, go to
lec, go to lab, go to tut. Rush lab, rush tut. Try to understand lecturers, try to
understand notes. Time just seemed to rush by, and now i'm in the friday of the
week before my recess week.

Had lots to think about even though i was busy with work. But still will always
manage to cram in some gaming sessions with the guys on thurs and fridays.

Sigh.

Damn it's hard to type.
After such a long break it just seems so hard for words to come out, to flow.
It's like there's this pause in the mind.
At the back of my head, there's so many clouds... solitary clouds, storing their
own mixture of ideas, of chemical processes. Bumping around, bumping each other.
Never mixing with another to become bigger. Always maintaining their own shape and size.

Yet it's just so hard to ever put things down to words.
Have you ever had moments where you seemed to understand everything? Thought
that you were able to know what's really going on. Yet the next, lose hold of that vision,
and then start at 0, being lost yet knowing there's something more...

It's funny how this mind works.

Funnier how, it doesn't seem to be mine at times.
:)

*hopefully the woodbridge ppl dun see this.

2004-08-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

~ RALLY RALLY RALLY ~

Don't know how many people caught the national day rally last night.
Even though it lasted 3 hrs plus, I didn't really feel bored. In fact i was rather
interested in what PM Lee had to say next. Which is rather amazing considering
that i can't really last 1hr with my lecturers.

Must say that he's an engaging speaker and has touched on topics that
have been avoided in the past. Seems like a new start and lots of changes
to be implemented.

Then again, it could be the case of wanting to impress and to give people promises
when one takes over a new post. Also i was wondering, if the previous 2 PMs
hadn't been the ones to enforce certain policies and encouraged savings, would there
be anything there for the new PM to make use of to make changes? Guess it's just
good timing and all.

At least i can say he's made a good start. Hopefully his years in politics under the guidiance
of his father and pm goh would enable him to be a more efficient minister. After all,
he's quite people orientated so we can expect him to feel more for the people, but hopefully
he's also able to be firm enough to make proper decisions.

*.... lots to do, new hopes
how one man in the right position
can be able to change mindsets
and influence others.... *

2004-08-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

~ The procrastinating dawn ~

Bogged and tied down.
PHS is now known as NHS (NTU Home Stayer).
Living an enclosed life within a very large and hilly
enclosure. With it's own self supporting mart, canteens
and MAC.

6 Mods to clear this time round.
Slightly gappy timetable. 4 hr breaks.
Enough for a quick nap.

Lots of 1's and 0's. Even more K-maps, VEM, EVM
and MacQuinsly. AND, OR's and NOTs. Think very
soon i can see things like NEO.

Guess whats this is : $ 48 454C 4C4F (Hex)
Another way to rep: 01001000 0100010101001100 0100110001001111 (Bin)
In Ascii : H E L L O.
Amazing....
And i've got a lec who does such transformations on the fly.
No cals, no tables, no help.. no pause. She must be Trinity...

Having a GE this sem, first one so far.
Creative relations for life. So far quite intersting.
Discuss many things, confirmed things for me too.
Answered things i've been wondering about...

Sadly today, reminded of bonding.
Male bonding. Yes, it is rather strong.
Yet it's not something to bring around everywhere
into each part of life.
Only found during a certain time when all are gathered,
those who've gone through stuff together.
Can i ever be upgraded...

How funny now, in this stage, one is able to see
the growing process one has gone through, by
looking at others around.
When one does not hang his head down to see the
ants that much. He actually sees how many people
are the same. How many are going through their own
struggles...

Those sharks still haven't come, maybe they want to surprise us.
When can i move stuff back...?
Room kinda small now.

Mmmm still no time to upload pics...
hope to do that soon.
Hope to be able to get thru this sem smoothly...

2004-08-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

~ Been a while ~

It's been a while since i've tried to last pen down any words.
The past weeks of moving into hall and trying to get to a good start with
school has been rather trying.

Been sorting out stuff the past days, clearing and keeping. Hiding stuff
so them "badies" can't take'em away. Storing my memories and filing my
docs. Came across many things, things forgotten things that made me want
to do something.

Realised i haven't actually been doing any writing to anyone these past years,
and after going through all those stuff, felt the need to write. Write to those
who mattered and those who's lives i've been wanting to acknowledge...

Those stored feelings that were written on paper by pen, is far more powerful
then any sms or electronic mails or any other mediums that are digital. There's
a somewat magical and personal touch when one write or makes something for
another. Like putting a part of themselves into their creation.

How i've missed those times i've done so. Done so in those younger years.
Maybe as we grow older, we may mature, may grow, yet who said growth was
always progressive. Maybe the things that mattered most in our youths are the
things that are left behind and the most valuable. Does the big picture always matters?
Does the worlds views constantly need to be imposed on ourselves...

Now we're running, now we're hiding. Creditors have come this day.
Hope it'll pass and things settle soon. See a light behind this coming event.
Hope that it'll be the end, where money doesn't have to be so tightly held.
Where every cent always being reminded to save... while others around
treat things with so little care.

Perhaps it's time to go back to my tuts.
Another time perhaps, to show some fireworks. :)

2004-07-29T01:19:00.000+08:00

~ And so it begins ... ~

Gee, so fast and the last week of the hols has passed in the blink of the moment.
All the orientation camps have come to a close and what's left is lots of recuperation
for many.
Still don't feel like school is starting. Feels like it's the holidays still. Sigh, i feel like i felt
when i've just orded. Heh. What the heck. Back to square one. And so the cycle of mugging
continues once again, making the smart smarter and the lazy ones... skip lectures. :)

Monday, the new day of the week, got up early, felt excited... yeah. Gonna be going to school
from home. Doesn't seem that bad. Quite alright i should say... could get used to it, if i ain't
staying in the hall. Anyway, guess what. I was early for the lecture this sem. Not bad i should
say, but sad enough, the lecturer probably thought that it was still the holidays too. Or maybe
he just had a rough night with his wife the previous night. He came just 10 mins before the
lecture ended and just gave us a brief intro. That's so nice of him.. to still remember us,
when he could've just left us waiting and let us all rot or leave for home which we've just left
more then an hour plus ago...

Mmmm... MACs has finally arrived into NTU. Dunno why but it just feels good. Gives the
place something "fast", or maybe it's cos it's an MNC... giving the canteen an international feel?
I dun really care much about it cos no matter what, eating it everyday's gonna cost a bomb.
But it gives this air of excitement and i dunno colours up the place a little? Gives canteen A
a brighter feel i guess? Maybe the colours really do affect the human moods...

Books books... as usual, there's a book fair just outside the canteen. Lots of old books for sale.
Programming books... computer books... story books.. etc etc... why couldn't i find a good and
more updated java book for 9 bucks, like i did last sem? Hmm hope i'll find something to
reference myself to and make me feel more secured... haha.

Monday afternoon... lectures ended. Went to collect my hall keys. Asked Kk to go try asking
the hall office again if he had gotten a hall. Didn't know the 3rd round results were out...
Not bad, he got it. Guess what, we're in the same room again. haha, must be fated :) And there i
was, thinking in my head how i should start introing myself to my new roommate.

Mon nite, Tues evening, all spent cleaning up this new room. Not bad i should say. At least
there's 2 fans and the lights are brighter. However a certain problem seems to be the infestion
of mozzies... gonna have to get lots of mozzie coils. Damn... or maybe i should just get those
electronic types. Buzz away mozzies!

Gonna move in soon. yea... back to surfing the lan, back to late nights, back to mugging and
drowning. Back to climbing hills, back to communal living. Back to the ways i've left behind
3 months ago. Somehow i've missed it yet somehow i'm too lazy to go back into it. I wonder
why... has home grown on me already? Heh. I wonder....
Oh well.. gotta wake up early tom... gotta catch the early ride so i can move my stuff in,
looking forward to this new sem. Hope it's better... hope i get luck. :)

2004-07-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

~ 7 days and 6 nights ~

Well finally back from the sports camp. It was a 7 days of self entertainment
and chalet time for me. Haha. Luckliy i had friends with me there doing
the welfare thing or else i would be so damn sian.

Watching people having fun was quite interesting at first, then the cheers sounded
rather funny. Then it got abit irritating... then it stuck in my head... and then i would
subconciously say it when we woke up to get breakfast in the mornings. Haha.. damn
stupid cheers. I think another 1 day or 2 days more and it should get out of my mind.

Well, one thing i've learnt, if you're looking to have fun, never join the supporting commitees of any camps. You'll only end up waiting and doing lots of sai kang. Not very nice if you're not getting enough rest too. :(

But anyway still had fun staying over at Chester's with jie and hz. Makes doing things together more fun and easier too. (Imagine waking up at 6 by yourself everyday while sleeping at 1-2am, don't think i could've woken up myself.. haha) Took turns driving "xiao lan", (our own ISUZU ELF 150 CUSTOM lorry, heh), shiok man, just love the feeling of driving big vehicles, think i've lost touch of cars already.

Anyway think this year's freshies seem a little more onz, they played and cheered so much longer that we had to wait for them to finish before we could leave on sun. Good for them but bad for us as we were like waiting and waiting only... hate that feeling. Esp when we're not playing along. :p

Was greeted with a spectacular sight while walking home yesterday over the senkang/punggol flyover. Saw the setting sun, with red wispy clouds, white blue and orangey skies blending together. Also cars with head lights already turned on. It was quite a sight, a real pity i didn't have my olympus...

2004-07-12T03:34:00.000+08:00

~ Alluring Night ~

Standing by the window,
The Neighbourhood gazing back,
Peacful quietness, all sound asleep,
Aullure of past nights, wafting past.

Wondering of the boy that once was.
Was so enticed by the darkness of this stillborn.
Of things naughty and fun done.
Of past deeds of fond memories that once were.

Alas this stillborn, is not the natural way.
For the body was not meant to move in the night.
Wise sayings come ringing, now knowing why.
Still, life gained, in a different way.

Desires of the heart calling strong,
Calling hard, pulling the strings now taut,
Playing a tune so mellow...
Per chance hoping for one to hear, to share.

Funny how, this allure changes.
The mind and heart, from a rejoycing sun'd morn.
Funny how , as i've learnt from the Lord,
Just as soon follow the world, my own sense.

More will see this allure, more will follow,
Yet more know to avoid, embracing the dawn.
Yet this heart readily curls to this stillness...
crying.

2004-07-11T05:36:00.000+08:00

~ Ramblings ... ~

He who walks
Walks tall and wide.
But that is not to be,
For he would be brought down soon enough.

To fall is so easy,
Though painful sometimes.
Might be hard to get up,
Some prefering to crawl.

Hands are abundant,
Willing to pull,
But pride plays a curtain
Blinding the soul sometimes.

To he who has slithered,
Down the dark slopes.
Wandering on fours, wondering what's wrong.
He knows joy when grace lifts him up.

But he who walks tall,
Walk knowingly, humbly,
Lest he falls like the others.
For he who walks, falls before.

How long more,
Is the way clear?
When will he walk again?

2004-07-08T15:43:00.000+08:00

~Confessions of a broken mind~

Pain used to be something to overcome.
It used to be a challenge.
Still is.
But now, even in dreams.

Comfort is supposed to be synonymous with rest.
But it ain't the case no more,
Tiredness is a lesser burden,
Compared to feeling alive.

Anguish and bitterness came,
Was stuck in rage's cage.
Yet all the while seeming to be in the light.
Hopelessly covering the cracks in the walls.

Hope came, hope healed.
For a while there was purpose.
It got better, but complacency took over.
Then stopped and things got worse.

Now it's slowly coming back,
Not as intense, but creeping, lingering.
At the back, down the back, driving me nuts.
But it's different from before.

Tried to serve, to give my life,
But Inner self and desires always lay dorment,
Even without intensity, the mind is a watchful leopard.
So lust overcomes and without much thought, relents.

Pain as punishment is better, compared to coming from nowhere at all.
We may all need our own pain's to keep us in check.
For I thought of this while in one...

2004-07-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

Trying out the past

Saw this page on old radio shows. Found it rather
funny. And if anyone would like to hear how old radio
was like you can pop over to radiolovers.

Also decided to change the music to a clip
of the "The 20th Aniversary Banquet". Also found on that site.
Haha... can leave my page open to hear the whole show.
Lasts about 25 mins.
Hope it doesn't irritate the hell out of anyone. :p

2004-07-05T20:43:00.000+08:00

A morning long overdued...

Guess it's started. Was wondering when it would happen.
This well's starting to dry up.
Words don't seem to flow like they used to.
Maybe the novelty is starting to dry off.

Perhaps all i had was just snippets to write.
Bits of ideas left from the jungle of my thoughts.
Nothing concrete, nothing tangible.
Just pure bubbles floating about, waiting to pop.

Ah, that just about sums up how i've been trying
to get to updating this page. But guess the past week
has been kinda busy. And now that laziness has got to
me i guess i just kinda put it off even more.
Well it's time to set things straight. :)

Let's see... i left off with ... ya white sandy beaches
and clear blue seas. Guess what. I really did. Was totally
amazed. Clear waters, colourful fishes. And fun with a bunch
of guys. Got some pics up at webshots if anyone's interested :)

Time spend with the guys were great, and it just reminds me
of the times of bonding we used to have back at camp. Don't really
know how to describe it but, being with them i'm just being me,
and i can be as silly as i like. :p At the same time, i feel a little
more bold, lending some of their strengths and personality. Also
knowing well that although we may not see each other most of the time,
I can always count on them when i need to. :)

Anyway, last week was also the last day of work for me, had this
outing to saeke sushi to kinda celebrate. Ate til i wanted to burst
and that stupid HW still want to fill me with wasabi. At least he suffered
together with me! MUahhahah.

Saw this interesting article yesterday in the straits times,
about some web comic, drawn and conceptualized by singaporeans.
Not a bad effort i must say. Here's the links:

Anema
Bobbin
Slackers
Comixpedia

2004-06-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

The sun before the Noon...

Recollecting this past week.
Thinking of what i've learnt, said and seen.

Of stories and games. Seems so reverting, those fantasy
games. With their complex story lines... always somehow,
having something to do with time, 'creation' and religion.

Yet almost always.. they fall back onto Christian texts.
Then remodelling it and combining them with myth and science.
To create a link, seemingly seemless. And I just find myself caught
up in the story sometimes. Don't know about the rest, but i think
most gamers do and that's why the final fantasy series is so popular.
Even The Matrix. Though trying to deal with philosophy, has so much
Christian ideas in it.

Does this say something about us humans... even though we may have
differing views. We are all dying to know some truth? All so hooked on
knowning that there's something beyond. Maybe we're created this way,
to want to seek out a God? Which in the Bible is true.

Anyway, that aside... it's also a sad week. Not for me but a friend.
For his sudden departure of his Dad.
It happened so sudden in a way and I don't know how he's taking it now.
Don't know if he's going to be asking why.... or blaming anyone or anything
inside him. But i guess he's matured enough, and being the first child,
he's got to settle lots of things. I feel for him. His burden and all.
Guess he's got lots of paper work to settle and then his job to keep him
occupied. But don't know if he's alright inside. Don't know how to help him,
but i guess i'll just pray... hope his faith will be strong.

Guess it just reinforces the fact that life's just so fragile.
Gotta treasure what we have. Who we know. Those we care for.
But guess what, it ain't that easy. For we're all too caught up
in our own lives...

Feeling drained, tired.
Needing a break.
Gonna have it in 4 hrs time.

Gonna leave.
Gonna say good bye.
For three days.

Off to Tioman,
To where the beach is white
And the water blue.

I hope. :)

2004-06-20T03:14:00.000+08:00

The slow dawn...

Got the rest i needed.
Feel as shitty still.
Not quite as bad as i thought.

Been turning down requests these days,
not sure why too.
Because i'm running, wanting to be alone?
Need to sort out myself with HIM?

Enjoyed the punggol night air with a friend,
Enjoyed the chatting and sharing,
Found abit of myself that i've lost,
And learnt abit more... and understood abit more.

Said what i've felt these days,
Regreting if it was right or wrong.
But after that i felt i've learnt some thing...
Then i realised it's perhaps meant for me to do so.

Don't have to be in it,
To still be able to contact them.
To be able to keep in touch.
I've just another path to take that's all.

There's phones and icq and msn these days.
Gotta try not to think of me too much,
Gotta get out of the shell.
To see the ones around me,
Needing comfort... maybe.

2004-06-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

Beginning of the end...

Finally it's over.. all those nights of OT and packing.
Been so tired that i've fallen ill on tues... argh... bad
throat, dunno how come it can lead on to such a bad fever...
had trouble going home that day... almost couldn't make it..
didn't felt so giddy before, body losing control.
KO on floor after i got home, it never felt more cooler
in my life.... ahhhhh...

Anyway, i'm well enough to write now, but still i can't swallow.
ARGh... saw my friends eating all those other 'hard' food.. so tempting
and all i can do is eat soupy and porridgey stuff. Sigh.... tummy feels
so empty... haha.

Hz, Hw and B have left for reservist, think staying on there is
gonna be a little bit more boring... but at least there's still some
jokers around for me to play with. :) So guess it'll be alright... just
some extra cash to last for next sem... hopefully.

~ PHS was once in a red team, going on to the finals. Along the way,
he experienced all kinds of emotions, fears , joy, sadness, etc. But
was determined to make it through to the finals.
Halfway through the semi finals, PHS sustained an injury that couldn't
allow him to play anymore. How sad he is... for he had always wanted to
go to the end with his team mates.
Now he can only watch from the stands...imagining to be there on the field.

~ This path that's taken has been set,
As a guide and gift from above,
For a request made long ago,
Then only a lost wanderer.

Not knowing whether to accept
The signs seen before,
Only going through step by step,
Slowly seeing the truth beyond.

Accepting that which came to pass,
The end which was only a beginning,
A new phase that brought more changes,
And problems to keep one awake.

Taking away that which is of pride,
But most of all the bonds formed,
Leaving behind a new beginning,
Finding and having new acceptance.

Though it aches.
Though still smiling.
Inside is a turmoil of battles left unsettled...

2004-06-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

Tired out PHS...

Been a tiring match, but the scores are out for this week.
PHS 6 - SBS 0

3 more matches to go, hopefully PHS doesn't give up and
will be able to tackle any of SBS's foul plays.

Enough of the scores, been seeing lots of papers the past week.
Lots of countings and tapings. And stormy weathers that cleared
with generally strong winds blowing northwards.
Won't be seeing the clouds soon i hope. :)

One thing struck me though... was the Jack Neo's new movie.
"Best Bet". Each morning held untold horror if i missed the train
transfer at Dhoby Ghaut. Untold repeats of "Bai Liu Li Bai Hui Bu Hui Kai..."
rang throughout the quiet morning station. Neves were twitching and
the smile couldn't help breaking out at first... but by the 6th day....
ARGHHHHHHHH....!
Think the comics section in today's Life best decscribed what i felt! hahaha.

Also .... I hate to say this... but i think China people are cheats.
Kaoz, even before the exam has ended we've already got quite a number who
had notes finding their ways into pockets and even getting themselves written on
transperent pencil boxes. Ok maybe it's just a minority of them but guess they must
be quite desperate... but what would make of them if they do go out to work in
some company next time... will they change figures if things don't tally ???

Missed a camp... felt bad... but then again i really can't go and my body's kinda
breaking down... 12hrs last night and i still feel sleepy! haha. I'm old... sigh.
But then.. i remembered a friend saying that, what's the point in feeling bad about
something you've already done. Make it up with future actions. Guess that's true...

Anyway just had renewed interest in D2. Anyone out there playing...? Wanna TCP/IP?
:)

2004-06-08T00:10:00.000+08:00

~Victory Short Lived...~

0720 Hrs, The stage was set, the players at the ready.
SBS had started warm up earlier before the break of dawn.

0655, PHS (Punggol Home Stayer) just got up, and lazily
prepared for the match.
0722, PHS left home ground and started with a slow walk.
Sensing SBS catching up at 0726, PHS quickened the pace
and beat the red light to catch SBS at 0728.

0730 saw the arrival of both players. PHS sensing the
departure at 0733, made long steps towards SBS home ground.
The clock was ticking and was screaming "2MINS".

More then enough time, PHS took the path to glory in style,
taking his time to move to the finish line.
1Min left! GOAL! He touched down and scored the long awaited goal!
Finding his place in the arena, he took seat and enjoyed
the fruits of the winning.

PHS saw a beachball came in halfway, felt like moving to it,
but didn't. After 10 sec, moving didn't seem like the right
thing to do. The crowds would be wondering.. or would they?
Then Beachball just stayed there til the end. PHS felt guilty and
weird.

Today's Noobs were going for field trip. Had fun riding around.
But CAT 1 dominated most of the day. Windy conditions, blowing thunder clouds
here and there. Lightening was seen as different times of the day.
Poor PHS took the thunder stike and the storm started to subside some what.
The noobs were seeking shelter and a few lucky ones found it at the pantry.

Now we shall prepare for another battle ....

This is for Ben. The lyrics are what i've been telling you about.
Artist: Liz Phair
You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you

So dig a little deeper cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring
Who the hell are you

I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho

2004-06-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

THE TROUBLE WITH TRANSPORT

What's it with the public transport these days.
Always seem to have funny problems coming up one!
NEL NEL.... haiz.

The sign put 2 mins to departure... I got in,
and waited... 1 min.... 3min... oh the train at the
other side has arrived. 1 min more... Ding Dong, train
doors closing... thought i would be moving off.
Hmm not moving....
opened eyes...
Woo ... the train on the other side has left.
What luck.... then 5 mins later... i finally felt
the train move. But what the heck. I'm too tired to bother.
Just slept my way through.
Saw a colleague at orchard... then he met up with 2 others.
Glad to be with them. At least wun come in too late alone. Haha!

2004-06-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been another day,
feeling damn tired, dunno why.
Yet i still am dragging myself to carry on
the day till the wee hours.

Started out rather hectic though,
i purposely tried to get out earlier today,
but missed just by a few sec, the 0733 train.
Then when i reached PS at ard 0805, i went to the
bus stop at park mall, i saw 605, tried to catch it...
BUT! knn it sped off just as i crossed the road.

Then i had to wait like til 0820 before 190 came.
But in the end i was late for like 5-10mins.
Damn sian... even when i try to be early, i can't.

Guess it just means things are never really under our
control. Felt kinda mad at first, but as i thought about
it, there's no point in it and it's a good way to train
one's patience and tolerance level? Haha...

Work, started with us helping out to usher the invigilators,
had fun seeing my friends there and also the chio bus.
haha. But then after lunch.. things slowed down and
i was constantly fighting the zee monster who seemed to
love creeping up behind me and stunning me. Dohz.

Well, i'm glad i had company on the journey home today,
enjoyed catching up with those 2 rascals. One vain pot and
the other a whiney singer. Hahah...
Anyway Here's something heartwarming for those
who pass by to "peng chang" :)

2004-06-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

Red Sun on a blue monday

Start of the week,
ain't that bad.
Had some fun and laughter.

Saw some pretty sights as i
walked down orchard to home.
Though tired, yet i still managed
somehow though to keep on moving.

Kinda obsessed with minesweeper,
A constant challenge to the mind.
But it's draining, parts of me away.

Did not do that which will
keep me from pain today while i
clicked furiously for mines to seek.

Now i remember, the setting sun,
out of the station as i've seen.
Red it was, and 3 blimps accompanined the scene.

The whitish clouds in the sky, in
the flat plains called punggol,
I saw white and red and black too.

Thunder flashed in the blackness,
as the the red floating plains, turned redder still.
Til as i walked and turned around, and saw
them joined in darkness.

The lightness too, in the south, slowly faded
and that ended my glorious pleasure,
with much regret for my olympus was at home.

2004-05-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

Awoken...
But eyelids are heavy...
The body unwilling
The soul trudging.

Just as soon as the phoenix rises from the ashes,
More ash is poured onto him.
Bring him back into the darkness's comfort.
Yet back to the same way, the cycle that has
been from since he first took the forbidden path.

Others pull the legs of those,
who struggle to get up, to want to be free too,
but unknowingly causing all to be trapped in darkness.

Not by our own endeavours,
can we ever get past our cyclic paths,
but by the grace of one who has always been
above, to pull us up...

2004-05-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

Found a rather interesting article in how stuff works,
Toyota Concept cars.
Saw some really cool designs and ideas.
Kinda gives some inspirations as to how the future might be.

Anyway, had dinner at chom chom with some of my medic friends,
it was a fun time. With us teasing ler blur most of the time and
he being the idiotic one as usual. Haha.

Got to hear of lots of business ideas from alvin, some cock and
some already done. Bottom line, we all lack the funds and connections.
But the ideas are there.

Anyway, i think i'm slowly rising up from the ashes...
And then i see clearly for the first time, things i haven't been
able to understand before... I thank God for that.
And i see friends, somehow starting to go through what i have been,
what i was and am.
Yet i still feel the anguish at times, of my inability to fulfill
a dream that might never be. But i use that energy to move myself,
to go forward... faster and wider.
I wonder how i can help them... those who i feel for, whom i feel
like helping. But i dunno how, maybe i can only listen.

Then again, i haven't even really settled my own heart.
Whether to end, to try again or to just ignore it. But it doesn't
bother me too much, yet i think about it now and then.
Why?
But the dreams for a sweet future are not that strong...
it's left hollow.
Perhaps that's best, for i'm living in today now. Not dreaming
of a better tomorrow...

Maybe i should just do something... whether to end or have another chance..
at least it's a choice i have made and not left to nothing....

2004-05-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

Went to catch shrek 2 today with CK and vic, haywire of a time trying
to get the tickets. From Ps, trying to get tickets, ended up booking
for seats in marina.
Plus the fact that i was kinda sleepy, i felt like i was in
a state of dreamyness. Felt a fleeting feeling like that.

Anyway i got a good laugh out of it and it's been a while since i've
felt this way. Heh. So i really recommend this show to anyone just wanting
to relax and have a good laugh(had lots of spoofs inside too).
Also, it felt great to have met up with them.

Still feeling kinda 'high' think i'd better sleep soon or i'm
gonna be late tom... argh...

2004-05-26T01:25:00.000+08:00

Think it's time to change this layout...
Doesn't suit me. Haha.

Met a friend today, who had the intention of telling
me about this MLM company he joined.

At first i thought he was gonna tell
me all about the potential of it and all,
the profits to be made... blah blah blah.
And to want me to join, and he did, but in a 'soft approach' way.

But somehow, he wasn't trying to push it to me and was
trying to understand my side of view (which was surprising)
and i appreciated it. Then it turned into a time of
sharing, about how he was skeptical at first and then
how he felt that it was a path for him showed by God.

Turned out i learned something from him,
that God really does respond to each of us differently,
and has different uses for us.
Seeing him today, smartly dressed and driving, i couldn't
help wonder what if i had perservered and stayed on in this line...
but guess my path lies elsewhere.

But the effect of the excitement of learning about the market,
passive income, knowing how to manage and sell, doesn't impress me
as much as it did before(perhaps cos i'm more wary?). Guess it doesn't
really appeal to me anymore as i've shifted my focus to my spiritual walk...

Hope now that he doesn't get too caught up in it and forgot why he got
into it in the first place...wish him all the best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
... the path i've chosen is necessarily difficult...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2004-05-25T00:25:00.000+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will the fun know of the suffering,
Surfferings of the anguished and lost,
Lost in the wild grasp of rage,
Raging within a battle that consumes the mind.

For then, begins a cycle of tumbling emotions,
thrashing within like a wild stallion,
Full of power and fearing none.
Like a drug that slowly takes over the mind.

Lost in this painful cycle,
Yet enjoying it's sweet sense of power,
Feeling control yet having none,
So lost so lost...

All breaks down and nothing's left,
The wanting, the loving, the desires,
The hatred, jealousy and greed,
Gives way when, darkness lifted.

To the creator who shows his pressence,
showing gratitude and faith,
Thus embarking on another rough journey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seeing a friend of mine, trying to perhaps vent his
anger and frustration, reminded me of times past.
Of a time when words would flow relentlessly, for the
churning of emotions just kept producing them. Fueling
them with thoughts that were bursting to come out...

Perhaps the root that caused such worries might be
different for each person, but the process that each of us
goes through should be quite similar...

Though he seems quite normal on the outside and seems
cheerful enough, i wonder if he's just corking the problem.
I do that too much to know what it'll do. Now it's better
for me but still i fall back to it when things get out of hand.
Just hope he's able to slowly release the pressue bit by bit.

Perhaps i've been rather cryptic so far...
but guess that doesn't matter.

The mind's a funny thing... always thinking of many things.
Wishing to do many things.
Sometimes i do... sometimes i forget.
But does it matter even if i forget?
Where do we place our values in... when the
world is a changing place...
If there was eternalty, and life now was but a
learning platform, what values do we want to bring
with us to eternalty?
What kind of a person would i want to be...

I would want to follow values of eternalty...