Dating often becomes an End in Itself

I once talked to Marty, a guy in his midtwenties who enthusiastically told me about his girlfriend, Claire. They'd been dating for four years. She was a wonderful girl, he said, and they had a terrific relationship.

I assumed since they'd been together so long that engagement must be on the horizon and asked, "When do you think you guys will get married?"

Marty was shocked that I'd even mentioned marriage and begun to vigorously backpedal. "Well, gosh, we're just dating," he stammered. "That doesn't mean...well, I don't know if I want to marry her."

I wouldn't encourage anyone to marry someone just because they'd dated a long time. But I wondered what Marty needed to learn about Clarie after 4 years together that would help him decide. I suspect that, like many relationships today, Marty and Claire were stuck in what I call "dating limbo." Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on, either.

Singles who grow accustomed to dating limbo often find it difficult to leave. It's so comfortable! Because they can experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical priviledges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for committing to themselves to marriage.

For the man or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren't helpful. It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just be getting into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.

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Extracted from "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris

How do we know what spiritual disciplines to practice?
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In a sense, the answer comes from thinking backward:

First, we must understand clearly what it means to live in the kingdom of God. Jesus spent much of his time helping people see what true spirituality looks like.

Second, we must learn what particular barriers keep us from living this kind of life.

Third, we must discover what particular practices, experiences, or relationships can help us overcome these barriers.

For instance, we know that we are called to be loving. One thing I discovered when I spent a day trying to live in a loving fashion is that love requires an enormous amount of energy. And I was just too tired to give it. So I realized that - as unspiritual as it sounds - if I was serious about becoming a more loving person, I was going to have to get more sleep.

I have discovered I have a very hard time thinking and feeling and acting like Jesus when I lack sleep. An article in Time magazine suggested that America has a sleep deficit that is worse than the national budget deficit, and it results in everything from increased irritability to fatal car accidents.

I was surprised to find that the Bible has much to say about what John Ballie called the theology of sleep. Sleep is a gift from God:

' I will both lie down and sleep in peace;
for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.'

It is an act of trust: I am reminded when I go to sleep that the world is in God's hands, not mine. The world will get along very well even though I am not awake to try to control things. At the appropriate time, my eyes will open and I will receive the gift of wakefullness once again.

' I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, for the LORD sustains me. '

Have you ever tried to pray when you are lacking sleep? Before Elijah was to spend a prolonged time in solitude and prayer at Mount Horeb, the angel of the Lord had him take not one, but two long naps. Contrast this with the disciples at Gethsemane, who could not pray becaused they kept falling asleep. Sleep is a gift from God.

' It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved. '
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Extracted from " The life you've always wanted " by John Ortberg

Habakuk 2:18-20 (NIV)

18: Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it? Or an image that teaches lies? For he who makes it trusts in his own creation; he makes idols that cannot speak.
19: Woe to him who says to wood, 'Come to life!' Or to lifeless stone, 'Wake up!' Can it give guidance? It is covered with gold and silver; there is no breath in it.
20: But the Lord is in his hold temple; let all the earth be silent before him.