~ Of the weeks past ~

Quite far into the holidays already... 3 weeks. Time seems to pass really
quickly these days.

Haven't been writing. Guess it's mental block. Or maybe just plain laziness.
Been tired. Travelling can be really tiring, esp when your journey takes you
close to 2 hours 1 way. Made a resolution, to stay in hall all the way.
Travelling to school everyday will kill me. Especially if it involves more then
1 830 lesson a week.

Been going back to school almost everyday, due to me trying to be hero and take
a GE and also to be my project. Taking psychology and learning about how the mind
works and there's dentrites, synapses, meylin sheeths... ya.. all those biological terms
to tell how the neurons in the brain works. Also had a topic on sex and sexuality.
Interesting :p. And from what my tutor said, it seems there's be a module just on that
in the coming months time. How interesting can that be! haha.

Been wondering, how hard it is to start writing too... it's like the mind is like an engjne,
the longer you don't use it the harder it is to start up. Perhaps that's true also for our minds
when it comes to writing. Or maybe it's just that we do not have enough issues to write on.
Whatever it is... I just had an interesting thought and that is if before some exams or studying
if we could come up with a mind program to just kick start our engines, perhaps studying or
learning might be more effective.

On another note, I've been looking at lots of kids and babies recently. And it's partly due
to me travelling more. I see parents carrying their childen, and then i'll be looking at their
kids. I wonder what the parents would be thinking.

"... What is it guy doing staring at my kid..."
"... Oh my child is so bothersome ... "
"... Why is my child making so much noise and attracting so much attention..."

Anyway for me as an onlooker, it does seem like children and babies are pretty interesting
and 'appealing' in a way. But when it comes to having your own.... it bring about another
kind of burden that'll just seem to drain your life away. Looking at some parents and the
way they look at their child, it seems like they know they're doing their duty as parents
but somehow it's like their lost and irritated at the same time.
Can't really blame them if they're almost always kept up all night trying to tend to the baby.

Which brings me to my next point and that is of people of our generation. I tend to hear
most of my friends and other people say that they'll never want to have kids. Even in the
media, in Desperate Housewives, Gabbe is so against having a baby for fear it'll cause her to
lose her current lifestyle.

We all seek self satifaction these days, we fear losing the comforts we have now. Sometimes
even fearing the responsibilities that we'll have to take on. Then how can we grow as a person
if we're only willing to just stay to our old ways. But i guess that's just the problem we'll all
face at one point in our lives.

How then can we be proper role models to the young or even know how to take care of them
properly. Do we even try to run away from the duty of having to care for the young and use
the excuse of having to work and bring busy to push the duty to maids or teachers?
Is this the cause of us not having a proper role model or mentor in our lives during our
growing years? Have we been left alone and only taught to fend for ourselves... is this the kind
of circumstance that most of us have been growing up in...? I wonder... Will this be a cycle that
will cause the degeneration of familes.

Thinking back of the past when familes were close knit and perhaps even in kampung days.
Parents were always around and even though if some weren't so good at parenting, the family
grew together. And there was always someone there for the youngsters to look up to and to
learn from. Even if i were to wander off to the times of the dark ages, is it not true that the
young had to choose the trade they wanted to be in and bring themselves under mentorship
of masters of the trades. Seems like that was how things worked in the past.

Coming back to the present and comparing, i think we just lack someone to look up to and
follow. We lack a certain mentor or teacher to take us in as a disciple. We may have our teachers
but they come and go all too soon. Perhaps the education system should have be such that
primary school teachers should follow the class all the way from pri 1 to 6. Maybe that way
there might be a sense of recognition and better understanding between the students and
teachers.

Oh gosh... it's 315... no wonder i'm seeming to be writing off track. Ideas flowing in and out.
Nothing solid forming. But it's a good work out for my mind. Been a long time since i've written
this way. Hopefully i'll be able to think clearer if i get more sleep.
Sigh... 830 tom... wonder if i can wake up.
Eyes droopy, Eyeballs strained, mind shutting down.

In this quiet of the night, I hear nothing
I see lights on, only a few and I see green patchs on tv screens across the block
Probably watching soccer matches.

In this night there are...
People tired, catching up with sleep.
People amidst in their merry making.
People working, wishing time would move faster.
People surfing, and chatting.
People doing of things in the dark.
People just like me probably blogging...
People who are just far away, in a dreamland
where they might feel relieved of their everyday problems.

~ Spirit : Stallion Of Cimarron ~

Lyrics - Bryan Adams---Here I Am
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you

Here I am
Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong

[Chorus]
Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me

~ Tiredness and the Night ~

Where's the words...
I wonder why ...
I feel why...
I am why...
why...
y...

AM i Y?
Y am I
Y is me.
Y Y ...

~ Lalaa... 205... Digital Communication...~

Been up since morning.. wait.. more like 11am.
Ok.. so my plan to wake at 9 plus to study has failed.
But surprisingly.. i'm at some mental peak today...
still feel rather fresh... even though i've been up for the past...
hmmm 18 hrs? Haha...

Darm... brain is swarming ... think the freq in my brain is now
quite fast... or i would be feeling quite tired...
But why.... why am i still up. it's 4 am now !
Argh...
I needa sleep...
Wed's my paper and i dunno if i can handle it or not..
hmmm
oh well... focus concentrate.... strive ahead.
Can't let things around distract me.... nothing worth..
It's good to learn to harden your heart... to charge ahead.
Gives u a sense of purpose... but one shouldn't ever take pride in that
for God can easily take it away.
But it does help to ease certain pains ....

Sleep sleep... let's go to sleep. How many owls are awake.
I wonder....
how many people are panicking...
How many slugging it thorough...
How many are forcing themselves ahead...
How many trying to forget things...
.... If man could hear the voices of the night.
I think he would hear many many secrets, desires and cries...

Zzzzzz.

~ Another earthquake... ~

Seems like disasters come aplenty these days...
Does it come to everyone's minds what all these means?
Or do we just simply dismiss it as something that happens all
the time and doesn't concern 'me'.

Maybe we've all got too much to think about..
but anyway, just an interesting nugget,
was talking to my dad this morning and he touched
on how the oil prices were going up and how this
caused Keppel's stock prices to go up as it seems like
they've recieved lots of orders for their oil rigs and stuff
like that.

He was complaning that just last year the forcasters said that
they're shares were only worth $2++ and now it's at ard $11++.
But anyway, seems like the rise in oil price is causing people to go
out looking for more wells to drill. Probably found some new oil wells too...

Then my dad said that probably all this drilling into the earth,
and sucking out the oil is causing all these earthquakes.
Which might be true... if considering that diggers do not check if the
site they're drilling is near the edge of a 'plate'.

But just think about it... if there's so much oil being taken out,
wouldn't that leave lots of empty spaces? If they were to cave in,
would that not cause certain disruptions to the earth's crust?
I mean i'm sure the earth is trying to balance itself out too right?

Anyway just a ponder... back to mugging...
:(

~ Another week gone... ~

Can't believe i'm having exams next week...
Still not prepared. And still not focused.

Now i'm home... should've stayed in school.
Why....
Opened wounds earlier this week...
got the call i wanted... heard what i needed.

Been making up balloons and letting them pop
from me since then.

Gotta move on.
Saw interesting cars again. Took them down.
Shall put them up when i've got more.

Can't seem to find the right words these days.

Been moving on my path more tryingly...
Met up with old camp mates...

Shan't be tied down no more...
Gotta focus... gotta cross this hurdle.
Can't afford to stop.

Burdens coming in...
roles and responsiblities, trying to wear them.
Trying to help out where i can.

Still i'm home...
It's raining now.
I should be studying...
But i drifted away to a land of anime.

Coming back to reality now.
Wasted 5 hours.
Still can't get digital comunication formulas in my head.
Can i force open my mind tomorrow...

Open the sleepyiness that's hanging over me.

Shall try again tomorrow.
Whatever it is... it's still good to be home.

~ And so the quest continues... ~

Just another day of days. The man with the 6610i has gone on a
rampage once again. With the trusty phone in pocket and the eyes of
an eagle. He swoops down on unsuspecting victims and captures them
for the viewing interest of those who care.


This here is a silvia. And wow... i like it's red sheen.
Taken near NBS again! Man that place is packed full
of cool cars.


Look at those wheel rims... shining white. And
look at those curves...haha.. well can't beat
the lambo but still this silvia deserves a second look.


Check out the spoiler, a rather nice fit i would
say and i guess it must have come together as
a set when bought.


And look who i saw again, Mr RX7. Still at the
NBS. Still looking good.. and rather small compared
to all the other cars. And oh, if u can't see it, there's
actually bird shit on the rear bumber there.


Ok enough of cars, this here is a bike... yes a bike.
I don't know the name or model but it looks good
anyway.


Here the back view. And yah, it's taken at Hall 4's
carpark.


For those who can't recognise, this is actually
a view from the 2nd lvl of NIE lib. The place where
i've been hanging out for the past week and probably
for the weeks to come.


It's a rather serene place with lots of greenery and
has a very claming atmosphere just right for studying.
And oh, if you were to notice the picture, that SBS bus there
actually is not moving. And everyday i go to NIE, i would see
a different SBS bus parked there not moving. I wonder if
it's broken down or wat. But after a while when i check back,
the bus just dissapears. I wonder if it got towed away...



Oh and this here is a circuit board. My SC206 module,
lab project. Lots of wirewrapping to be done and I've
completed it 2 weeks ago. When asked to dismentle it...
I couldn't bear to do so... after all the hard work... so i just
took it down for remembrance. And now it's here. :)

~ Ponder wonder... ~

It werid but seems like revealations come at times when u least expect it.
Even when watching shows. But guess that's just the way things are these
days. Us all seeking our truths everywhere. Seeking to be filled with some
worldly wisdom or another.. i guess i shoud know better. Having been seeking
it for since i dunno how long.

Watching desperate housewives, I suddenly realised how people's perception of
life can differ so much. Not that i wasn't aware of it. But it just stuck me so deeply
in a way. That some can treat life so lightly... laughing away at issues and situations
that might otherwise seem so much more severe and serious to others.

Its no wonder why people misunderstand each other at times. Espicially when
you have people laughing at matters that you feel are important. Then how does
one respond...? Some rebutt in anger... some shrink away. Some have mastered the
art of keeping emotions at hold and come up with witty responses to otherwise very
crude remarks.

Also another thing i've noticed thus far... how much we'd like to hold on to things that
have given us hope in our otherwise dampened hearts. Seems like it'll always take some
external stimulus to kick us in our butts to wake us up from our daily drunkedness.
To make us aware that we still have other things to live for... other then self sustinence,
or self pleasure. A need to take away the things that matter to let us see that which really
matters. Things that are close to our hearts.

How many times it's been.. that we sometimes have friends... who are always so cock sure
of themselves, that we hate that cocky and know it all attitude. Of beliefs that they feel will
last them through. How many times usually we'll want to rebuke them. But then, what's the
point of wanting to change someone else's thought processes when it's something very much
internal.

We can't change a person's heart and beliefs until he/she has gone through some situation
that will make them realise certain facts. Maybe the only reason why we want to rebuke them
is to reassure ourselves of our own beliefs that mean so much to us. Meaning we're still insecure
and unsure. Like a little child wanting to be heard.

But the time will come ... when things change and God will put burdens in our hearts.
To realise the err of our ways. That pride, ego, fears, hurts and the such don't mean anything.
To realise a certain desire to grow. To bring ourselves out to be challenged and to just try.
To know that nothing's perfect and that there's no mistake big enough that cannot be rectified.
That forgiveness comes from within the heart... not in the words said.

Ponder wonder... tis a Good friday. A time to rest. And a chance to scribble...
A chance too, to remember Christ's death... and in 3 days time his ressurection.
To remember that we're all saved by grace and that being so, we shouldn't be so harsh
to anyone in our lives.

~ Pictures of surroundings ~

Shots that i took that seemed nice...
too bad i only had my cam phone.
So the quality is quite bad.


But anyway, this here was found at N4 of North Spine,
i was walking past to my labs when i saw a tree so pink.
Kinda reminded me of how sakuras in japan might look like.
It really does add color to the surrounding.


Then just behind it is a tree is white bloom. From the picture
you can't see it clearly, but it's actually very white and it
really contrasts the pink tree that's in front of it.


This here was taken during the vertical marathorn
'dry-run'. At the 51st storey of Temasek Towers.
Went up and managed to get quite a good
view of the surroundings. Think that's Keppel Harbour
in the pic.


Another view of the port/harbour. More to the right.


This here is taken facing the city, China town is just
to the left of this picture.


This picture was during the actually day of
vert mag itself. We had to stay over at the tower
and just before dawn. I managed to get a good
view of the horizon from the top.


Must say it's rather beautiful and the pictures
here can't do it any justice. But hope it gives
the idea.

~CARS!!!! :)
Below are some of my stalks out of cars.
They all look much better when u see them
up close. Don't know why they just don't turn
out well here. heh.


RX 7, Found at the NBS carpark. Veri low and
small in size compared to the other cars parked
around it.


The interior view. Doubt you can see much from
here. But the seats are red and the steering wheel
looks quite cool to hold.


Mazda Rx8 - Found at Carpark in CAN a.
White/Grey. Could only get the back shot.
As taking from the front was too dark.


RX8- Found at NBS carpark. This i must say
looks real good. If only i could get my hands on
to the steering wheels and take it for a spin.


The rear view of the Black RX8, notice that
it's car plate is 8888. Now how's that for
an auspicious number. Must be some rich kid
or maybe even a lecturer holding the keys
to this baby.


BMW MX3, sports convertible. one of the cooler
cars i've seen so far. Saw at DDB design company
where i went to do a survey.


The front view.... looks nice right. :)
I really like it's big 'nostirls'. Haha.

~ Thought Processes ~

1) Certain Images or places triggers off certain thought processes within us.
2) It may remind us of the past, and it can also trigger off emotions within us.
3) We may remember things that we've long forgotten.
4) Our mind has 4 states, and one state is our sub consciousness.

In the sub conscious state, we don't know what we know, there're things that
we've learnt and know that is just lying dormant in our minds.
Sometimes images and events can trigger off the thoughts that are swimming
in our sub consciousness. Skills, memories, knowledge... etc.
Now then... what if we were able to have a large library of collected images,
events and sounds... and able to project it in to the mind..., out of all those things
that will be rushing past our senses. Would it eventually awake something in us?
I wonder.

~ Been so long ~

So long, so long. This has been empty for so long.
Have been wanting to write since Chinese New year eve...
to talk of the things that i've noticed... and sudden revealations
that speaks of culture and beliefs.

So much time has passed since then and i've been on the go since then too.
It was pretty much a holiday mood then but things picked up and i've
moved along at it's pace.

Finally too... also learnt to accept things. Realised that certain things are not meant
to be. A longing still remains, but it's not one that desires anymore... just one that
hopes things will be well. That we'll be able to joke and talk like before.... or perhaps
that's going to be impossible.

We all write for many reasons.... a burden within wanting to seek expression.
A longing to be heard or a desire to share our views... still it takes a stiring in the soul
and heart... to be able to want to blurt out things one normally wouldn't say to others.

What am i doing now. Just staring at my tut for tomorrow, trying perhaps to understand it
before i sleep. Yet in my mind a restless burden exists... always there. Is it waiting to be
resolved...? Or does it just need more time before it decided to slip into the inner depths
of my memory only to come back when i'm old.

CNY.... visitings... dinners... school... projects... events.... those are the things that's just passed.
And now i'm just typing here... feeling weary.

Maybe not so much from things i've done... in fact they make me feel alive in a way.
But still weary... why....?
I'm beginning to believe that a good night's sleep will slove things.
And it does.... but yet things creap in slowly as the day progresses and it's sometimes just
back to square one whether you like it or not.
Hahah...
oh well... a tired man's mumblings never does seem coherent does it.
Well just let me mumble somemore... maybe when i look at this
some time later... i'll be amazed that i've even writen all these.

~ I wonder ~

I wonder why,
Why the heart can feel so much
That it hurts so deep,
Yet nothing flows out.

I wonder whether,
Whether if the heart is capabable
Of feeling so much by itself.
Or is it but a by product of an interaction.

I wonder how,
Even though the feeling lingers deep,
The facade still is able to keep up.
Life does go on as usual.

I wonder once more,
How this feeling can be so strong,
That it can spur one on to do many things.
Yet also so easy to turn from sadness to anger.

I wonder how again,
How it's so easy to bluff oneself to go on.
And yet so easy to fall again for the past.
Even then the anger can't last.

I'll wonder ...
Would avoidance be better.
Not knowing if she hears or knows.
Perhaps things are best left without any intervention

~ Simple Pleasures ~

Been meaning to put this down for a while now.
But the last time i did, blogspot didn't post it and
i was too lazy to retype....

Anyway... just wanna write of food...
Of food taken when in the cold mornings or when you're
starving.

I remember the times when i was schooling... i would have the
occasional steamed 'siew mais'. Made by my parents... even though
they were frozen food bought from the supermarket. They still
tasted heavenly... perhaps what i was tasting then was but their love
and willingness to prepare a meal so early....

Of times when i was straving... a McChicken comes to mind...
I remeber a time past when i was cycling and got caught in the rain with
Noah. We were around the east coast area and decided to take shelter outiside
a Mac. Bought a McChicken and woa... it was steaming! Was the best burger i ever had.

But there's also an incident with instant noodles... while i was out field in brunei.
Almost everyday was raining and a hot steaming meal of noodles was like heavenly food
in that dark wet forest... Can't believe that noodles can bring so much joy.... :)

Lastly... one of my fav now... which i call a 'heart warming' food.... is cup of CORN!
Yupz... esp found in pasar malams... yummy!

Yeah... wonder how many ppl have their fav foods... and how much it'll seem to
cheer them up.
It's but these little things... that sometimes makes life a little more bearable at times.
To bring a smile to the heart.

~ Dreams ~

Had a real weird one today...
felt so real and left me feeling more drained when i woke.

Thinking thru it.... it's like a dream of things lost.
Of things that mattered and once again they came together.
It gave me a thrill and somehow i just felt like i wanted to be
in the dream and not wake up....

Funny how... when i did... i was lost. A feeling a deep dread and loss.
Felt many things that i shouldn't have...
maybe it's but the surfacing of unresolved issues...
I wonder...

Luckily... i managed to do some cleaning up in the house...
though the dream and the issues it brought up kept clinging
to my mind. I'm able to come back slowly... to reality.

How weird a sunday it has been....

~ A minute to remember ~

I remember a time not too long ago,
Where a burning fire churned within.
Telling me of many things i could do,
in this world.

I remember then, how i was spurred on
By this sensation within, telling me to go on.
It was but a personal battle within,
Fuelled by glorious deeds done by images.

I remember then, when i cycled down the road.
Cars rushing past, rain splattering on the face.
Friends behind and the heat that kept away the chill.
The thrill of being alive, and not having full control.

Childish dreams seem to move one to push much further,
til reality sets in and you know the fears.
But beyond that, once you grow and overcome,
The thrills become calculated and you relive the past, sometimes.

I remember the fire not too long ago,
And i felt it again not too long ago.
It may be my mind playing tricks, but i felt it nontheless.
I'll keep fanning it, for now i know i'm choosing the rock.
To build myself upon it until if it deems me not worthy.

~ A minute to indulge ~

You looked for it, and yearned for it.
Thought you could be without it.
But always kept looking for it.
You were just such a fool.

Thought you were above it,
Yet you were always within it.
When you stopped searching.
It found you.

You questioned it, yet enjoying it.
You went beyond and perhaps lost it.
You still couldn't fully understand it.
But you tried to embrace it.

When you finally made a decision in the heart.
It said good bye, and it's for the best.
Yet now, that decision stays.
Knowing logic says one thing, yet...

The words said good friends,
Wonder why it hurts so.
You should've known.
You asked for it, you thought too far ahead.

Growing to be much too dependent...
I wonder why you didn't see it earlier.
I wonder why, it's so easy to say those words.
I wonder if, there was anything to begin with.

Step by step...
Hoping to be released once again,
But hoping still, to be chained down.
You are so ironic.

~ Finally my mousie pictures. ~

Ahhh. Finally.. about 1 week plus after my DDP.
Managed to upload my pictures of the micro mouse that i was working on.


*Click on pictures for full size*

Our completed mousie... lots of 'hair' sticking out.


Dear mousie's 'eyes', lights up whenever he sees black lines.


See the white thing over there? That's our crystal oscillator.
It was silver at first, then we gave it a nice wrap of tape.
Gave me lots of headache figuring how to make it work.


The sensors. The black ones emmit Infra-red and the purple ones detect.


The belly of our mousie, messy ain't it...looks like intestines all over the place.



A man made out of wire... done in times of lostness. :)


The team that i spent my holidays working with.
Nice bunch. And that's my partner in orange.

~ Once again the year is coming to a close ... ~

As with every year that's past. This might hold not much exception to some.
For me... it's the year i looked back once again.. on all that i've been
through... to once again, see myself when before i entered the army.
To ponder again on things that really seemed to matter most...

I've learnt alot this past year... 2004... just like another phase of life.
And i see 2003 as but a transition period from army life...

2004... i've felt alot.. i've learnt a few lessons.
Learnt that
...God is faithful, no matter how many times i've let him down.
...God will not tempt me beyond my means.
...no matter how deep one falls, he should not wallow in dejection, life goes on.
...no matter how or where you fall, it's but a learning challenge to rise from again.
...once you're comfortable with your life and it changes it takes lots of courage to change.
...friends can let you down...but they don't mean it.
...and that you shouldn't hold grudges.For i myself am not perfect.
...to understand why guys with Gfs will always break away...
...to keep looking for love, it'll only haunt u and torment u in a way.
...when u stop looking, it'll suddenly come looking for you.
...when you don't have any expectations, and open the heart... everything will be easy to accept.
...open communication is important.
...to be in love is a beautiful thing.
...desires can be overwhelming.
...thinking too much doesn't help, only when needed.
...a smile is worth many tales of gold
...to move on in life, is hard but it needs that first step.
...one must know what they're looking for in a relation and to say it out early.
...i've been given a chance to go through different experiences, to now know how to learn to
commit and what's it like to give up on certain things.

Happy new year, Akan Datang.
off to bed... the deep weariness in me calls.
Wonder what tomorrow will bring...
Hope and a new wonder.
Yet a tinge of sadness lingers...

~ Wonders of A m(ad)icro mouse... ~

Been staring at wires and codes for the past weeks. Been hanging out at boon lay
for far far far toooo long already. Ever since exams. Seems like i'm living a veri
predictable life these days... wake up... go lab... lunch... go lab... back hall... chill.
Hmmm.... how 'nice' and stable this life is.
Haha..
Only time i think i got out of this place is last weekend when i went for church retreat.
Was a refreshing time, an new turning point and also new insights. Felt the holy spirit
moving through the church... doing things.
Went back home yesterday, then came back this morning. Took the Mrt from Eunos.
Woa.. it's been so long since i've took it in the morning. Was a refeshing change.
Got to see all the working people. Some dressed up nicely some just donning their daily
uniforms. Just felt good to be out and moving about.
Back to lab later on... well today. Partner and Me sat down... stared at codes and viola,
seems like ideas after ideas came and problems were solved. Haha.. think it's cos now there's
2 ppl looking at the problem. Also the mouse finally came to life! After much stress and testing
by the other grp mates. Now we've only left the sensor part to debug.
Hopefully we'll be in time to finish for next tues assessment... haiz....
Another labby day for me... but at least it's fri. And i get to go home again. :)

~ A New Beginning ... ? ~

Ah... been a long time since i've posted anything.
Wonder why. First there was the exams... then wat..
Hmmm oh yah... the DDP project... been busying myself
over it.
Stupid micro mouse... argh. Me and partner had design up by the 2nd day
and on the 3rd almost all was done. BUT. Now is the 3rd week. And we're
still trying to test out how to make the power reset thing. DARN. And i thought
we were so fast. hahah.. oh well... it's just staying in the labs til 5 plus everyday only..
tiring man..
Just wished things would be able to work tom...

Anyway ... even after exams... there's been a rush of things...
Things happening and i'm also wondering how'd i get into that state.
Heh. Although it ain't necessarily a bad thing. Too bad... things are just
left as they are now... just gotta wait til 24th... hmmm

Work work.... wonder if anyone needs any free lance video editor cum
graphic designer... haha... sigh.