Dating often becomes an End in Itself

I once talked to Marty, a guy in his midtwenties who enthusiastically told me about his girlfriend, Claire. They'd been dating for four years. She was a wonderful girl, he said, and they had a terrific relationship.

I assumed since they'd been together so long that engagement must be on the horizon and asked, "When do you think you guys will get married?"

Marty was shocked that I'd even mentioned marriage and begun to vigorously backpedal. "Well, gosh, we're just dating," he stammered. "That doesn't mean...well, I don't know if I want to marry her."

I wouldn't encourage anyone to marry someone just because they'd dated a long time. But I wondered what Marty needed to learn about Clarie after 4 years together that would help him decide. I suspect that, like many relationships today, Marty and Claire were stuck in what I call "dating limbo." Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on, either.

Singles who grow accustomed to dating limbo often find it difficult to leave. It's so comfortable! Because they can experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical priviledges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for committing to themselves to marriage.

For the man or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren't helpful. It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just be getting into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.

----------------------------------------------------
Extracted from "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris