~ Of the weeks past ~

Quite far into the holidays already... 3 weeks. Time seems to pass really
quickly these days.

Haven't been writing. Guess it's mental block. Or maybe just plain laziness.
Been tired. Travelling can be really tiring, esp when your journey takes you
close to 2 hours 1 way. Made a resolution, to stay in hall all the way.
Travelling to school everyday will kill me. Especially if it involves more then
1 830 lesson a week.

Been going back to school almost everyday, due to me trying to be hero and take
a GE and also to be my project. Taking psychology and learning about how the mind
works and there's dentrites, synapses, meylin sheeths... ya.. all those biological terms
to tell how the neurons in the brain works. Also had a topic on sex and sexuality.
Interesting :p. And from what my tutor said, it seems there's be a module just on that
in the coming months time. How interesting can that be! haha.

Been wondering, how hard it is to start writing too... it's like the mind is like an engjne,
the longer you don't use it the harder it is to start up. Perhaps that's true also for our minds
when it comes to writing. Or maybe it's just that we do not have enough issues to write on.
Whatever it is... I just had an interesting thought and that is if before some exams or studying
if we could come up with a mind program to just kick start our engines, perhaps studying or
learning might be more effective.

On another note, I've been looking at lots of kids and babies recently. And it's partly due
to me travelling more. I see parents carrying their childen, and then i'll be looking at their
kids. I wonder what the parents would be thinking.

"... What is it guy doing staring at my kid..."
"... Oh my child is so bothersome ... "
"... Why is my child making so much noise and attracting so much attention..."

Anyway for me as an onlooker, it does seem like children and babies are pretty interesting
and 'appealing' in a way. But when it comes to having your own.... it bring about another
kind of burden that'll just seem to drain your life away. Looking at some parents and the
way they look at their child, it seems like they know they're doing their duty as parents
but somehow it's like their lost and irritated at the same time.
Can't really blame them if they're almost always kept up all night trying to tend to the baby.

Which brings me to my next point and that is of people of our generation. I tend to hear
most of my friends and other people say that they'll never want to have kids. Even in the
media, in Desperate Housewives, Gabbe is so against having a baby for fear it'll cause her to
lose her current lifestyle.

We all seek self satifaction these days, we fear losing the comforts we have now. Sometimes
even fearing the responsibilities that we'll have to take on. Then how can we grow as a person
if we're only willing to just stay to our old ways. But i guess that's just the problem we'll all
face at one point in our lives.

How then can we be proper role models to the young or even know how to take care of them
properly. Do we even try to run away from the duty of having to care for the young and use
the excuse of having to work and bring busy to push the duty to maids or teachers?
Is this the cause of us not having a proper role model or mentor in our lives during our
growing years? Have we been left alone and only taught to fend for ourselves... is this the kind
of circumstance that most of us have been growing up in...? I wonder... Will this be a cycle that
will cause the degeneration of familes.

Thinking back of the past when familes were close knit and perhaps even in kampung days.
Parents were always around and even though if some weren't so good at parenting, the family
grew together. And there was always someone there for the youngsters to look up to and to
learn from. Even if i were to wander off to the times of the dark ages, is it not true that the
young had to choose the trade they wanted to be in and bring themselves under mentorship
of masters of the trades. Seems like that was how things worked in the past.

Coming back to the present and comparing, i think we just lack someone to look up to and
follow. We lack a certain mentor or teacher to take us in as a disciple. We may have our teachers
but they come and go all too soon. Perhaps the education system should have be such that
primary school teachers should follow the class all the way from pri 1 to 6. Maybe that way
there might be a sense of recognition and better understanding between the students and
teachers.

Oh gosh... it's 315... no wonder i'm seeming to be writing off track. Ideas flowing in and out.
Nothing solid forming. But it's a good work out for my mind. Been a long time since i've written
this way. Hopefully i'll be able to think clearer if i get more sleep.
Sigh... 830 tom... wonder if i can wake up.
Eyes droopy, Eyeballs strained, mind shutting down.

In this quiet of the night, I hear nothing
I see lights on, only a few and I see green patchs on tv screens across the block
Probably watching soccer matches.

In this night there are...
People tired, catching up with sleep.
People amidst in their merry making.
People working, wishing time would move faster.
People surfing, and chatting.
People doing of things in the dark.
People just like me probably blogging...
People who are just far away, in a dreamland
where they might feel relieved of their everyday problems.